Last night I turned on the opening ceremonies for the Winter Olympics and I could not believe what I saw!
First of all, they weren’t speaking English!
It’s true! They were talking French or Eye-talian or some such!
Then they raised the Eye-talian flag and some woman started singing the Eye-talian national anthem!
Hey! I thought. Where’s the ol’ Red, White and Blue?!?
And where’s the REAL national anthem?!?
Then they start celebrating the athletes.
But not the ‘Murican athletes!
They start with Greece!
I didn’t even know Greece still existed! I thought it had died out with myths and all that.
And then Al-bania! And An-dorra! And Ar-menia!
Now I know those ain't real countries!
At that point, I just knew I was in the wrong place.
I started flipping around the channels, looking for TurningPointUSA’s alternate “All-American Opening Ceremonies”.
But I looked everywhere and couldn’t find them!
Not even TBN was carrying it!
What is wrong with our country?
What is wrong with this world?
U-S-A! U-S-A! U-S-A!
[If the Captain has to tell you this is satire, then I have failed at my craft. Carry on.]
