Happy Easter!

No, Jesus is not doing jumping jacks! 

Mates, as you have probably discovered by now, your Captain takes his faith very seriously.

Not in the conventional “Evangelical Christian Ya-Ya” way.

And I’m not a deep theological thinker either. 

But I’ve been at this a long, long time and some things just chap my butt!

Read on, if you dare.

We are just past Easter Sunday – it fell early this year – but the liturgical calendar says we are still in “the season of Easter”, so the greeting is appropriate.

Now, since many of my friends are clergy colleagues, for the last couple weeks my Facebook feed has been filled with invitations to Holy Week and Easter services and activities.

We all do it.

Such ads are cheap and easy and (hopefully) reach a lot of people.

“For only $42 you can 'boost' your post and reach another randomly-selected 1,065 people!”

Pass.

One ad in particular caught my good eye:

CAPTAIN'S NOTE: I do not know this church or its pastor.

Where to begin…

Okay, first off, Good Friday is the day on which Jesus was crucified. The Last Supper, which they call "Communion", is observed on Maundy Thursday.

Maybe the Captain is straining out a gnat, but there is a difference.

Typical Good Friday services are somber affairs. Your Captain tends to lean on the Tenebrae service, “a service of growing darkness”, in which candles are extinguished one by one as scripture accounts of Jesus’ last hours are read. As Jesus breathes his last, the final candle is extinguished, leaving the congregation in total darkness. That final candle is then re-lit as a sign of promise and the hope of resurrection to come, but Jesus is left in the grave until Sunday morning.

Apparently the above-mentioned congregation celebrates the Last Supper on Good Friday - the meal at which Jesus told his disciples he was going to be betrayed by one of them, be arrested, be crucified - which seems to me would be a real downer as well. 

But then the ad promises an “After Party”! 

Complete with "pulled pork and all the fixings!"

Because... just... well...

I.Don’t.Understand.

Of course, every preacher wants his church to be full on Easter morning, and this church is no exception.

“Children’s choirs will be performing at both services!”

“Easter Egg Hunt at both services!”

“Cookies for the kids!”

“Bounce Houses!”

“A Photo-Booth!”

“Prizes!”

“The Easter Bunny will make an appearance!”

“Plus, sign the attendance pad and you will be entered into a drawing to win a lifetime supply of Chick-fil-a!”

Sigh…

At Christmas we call it "crass commercialization". 

Easter is quickly catching up!

Perhaps the Captain just doesn’t have the vision needed to lead my small congregation on these special days.

I mean, we did an Easter Egg Hunt… the week before.

But I told the 50-or-so children the Easter story before turning them loose on a thousand candy-filled eggs!

On Easter morning I did give away the Easter Lilies I purchased for decorations.

But only because I am allergic to them and I didn’t want them to sit on the altar and die.

But… the Easter Bunny? Really?

To be honest, we don’t have much of a budget for stuff like this.

And most important of all, the Captain believes you shouldn’t have to bribe people to come to church!

When I was a kid, there were rumors circulating around town about one particular church’s Bus Ministry, that they would tape money under the seats of the bus and if you rode the bus to church and sat in that seat, you got to keep the money!

This was never confirmed, but totally plausible.

Mates, the Captain doesn’t recall anywhere in the Bible where anyone tried to bribe people to worship God or to be followers of Jesus.

Jesus did feed the hungry on occasion, but not as an enticement. In fact, in John’s gospel Jesus turned on the crowd of followers one afternoon and declared, “Very truly I tell you, you are looking for me, not because you saw the signs I performed but because you ate the loaves and had your fill.”

Well… yeah.

And we’re hungry again…

Jesus reportedly turned water into wine at a wedding feast, but not to make disciples.

CAPTAIN’S NOTE: He did that because his mother told him too!

Your Captain can’t even begin to imagine Jesus offering Bounce Houses and Chick-fil-a to entice people to follow him.

And the Easter Bunny?

Holy shit!!! Run, children, run!

Instead, Jesus told his disciples to take up their cross and follow him.

Literally, 'Do what I have done.'

In the Sermon on the Mount (as reported in Matthew’s gospel), Jesus said, “Blessed are you when people insult you, persecute you and falsely say all kinds of evil against you because of me. Rejoice and be glad, because great is your reward in heaven, for in the same way they persecuted prophets who were before you.”

Now there’s a recruiting poster for ya!

Your Captain is serious here: How do they make the switch?

When the preacher finally gets around to talking about discipleship (if he [sic] ever does), how many are going to respond, “Oh, no. I just came for the pulled pork!”

The following anecdote came from a book written by John Maxwell, (so it may or may not be true):

President Abraham Lincoln, an incredible communicator, was known during the Civil War to attend a church not far from the White House on Wednesday nights. The preacher, Dr. Gurley, allowed the president to sit in the pastor’s study with the door open to the chancel so he could listen to the sermon without having to interact with the crowd.

One Wednesday evening as Lincoln and his companion walked back to the White House after the sermon, the president’s companion asked, “What did you think of tonight’s sermon?”

“Well,” Lincoln responded, “it was brilliantly conceived, biblical, relevant, and well presented.”

“So, it was a great sermon?”

“No,” Lincoln replied. “It failed. It failed because Dr. Gurley did not ask us to do something great.”

But Jesus did.

The purpose of the Church is not to entertain people or offer free prizes from the Easter Bunny.

The purpose of the Church is to continue the work of Christ by sharing with others the Good News that God loves them and that their sins are forgiven, no matter what. 

The purpose of the Church is to set people free from the bondage that prevents them from living their best life, an abundant life. 

In this world.

The purpose of the Church is to reach out with loving hands to feed the hungry and heal the sick, to provide shelter to the un-homed, to be a friend to the friendless.

And the purpose of the Church is to make more disciples who are willing to go and do the same.

Well, now look here…

The Captain has gone to preaching!

With apologies to my crew, I just had to get that off my chest.

Carry on, mates.

But think about what I’ve said.

 

Danger! Danger Will Robinson!

*Keeping with the policies of Banana Winds, the names and likenesses of known criminals will not be displayed in this blog.

So here's this instead...

Mates, you know the Captain put that picture there just to get your attention, right?

And, I suppose, to let you know this is going to be a patriotic post.

Maybe.

Many of you will remember the idiotic photo shoot the former president did in front of a church... holding a Bible... 

Leading many to wonder how the book did not burst into flames.

Well,, now the former president has outdone himself.

This time, he not only holds the Bible, HE ENDORSES IT!!!

In all fairness (because the Captain is nothing if not fair), a simpatico organization is publishing the book. The Endorser simply gets a little bit for the use of his name and likeness.

Naturally, many are outraged by the sheer audacity of this man-child.

But seriously, after all this time, are you really shocked by this?

Grifters are gonna grift. We all know that.

But there is something even more dangerous about this bible.

In additions to it being an "easy to read" King James Version (no one's ever claimed that before!), the publisher has included other writings within its cover.

Now mates, the Captain had these debates during seminary wherein our professors insisted the canon of scripture is not "closed". 

In simple terms, that means other writings could theoretically be added to the Bible. 

Of course, back then, it seemed obvious that there are no writings that the whole of Christianity would agree upon for inclusion into the sacred book, so it wasn't likely to happen.

Apparently this publisher has unilaterally decided there are some:

        -The lyrics to Lee Greenwood's song "God Bless the USA"

        -The U.S. Constitution

        -The Bill of Rights

        -The Declaration of Independence, and

        -The Pledge of Allegiance to the U.S. Flag

Mates, this has the potential to lead our nation farther down a very dangerous and slippery slope deeper into Christian Nationalism, wherein specific interpretations of the Christian faith becomes conflated with our democracy, at the exclusion of non-Christians, people of color, immigrants, etc. 

It's a power grab disguised as theocracy, foisted upon the American public by supporters of the former president - a twice-impeached serial adulterer and convicted rapist with multiple indictments for insurrection, stealing government documents (and lying about it), interfering with an election (did I leave something out?) - who happily caters to their whims because they give him money.

But I'm warning you now, before long you will begin to see more images like this one:

¹⁵ “So when you see the desolating sacrilege, spoken of by the prophet Daniel, standing in the holy place (let the reader understand), ¹⁶ then those in Judea must flee to the mountains; ¹⁷ the one on the housetop must not go down to take things from the house; ¹⁸ the one in the field must not turn back to get a coat. ¹⁹ Woe to those who are pregnant and to those who are nursing infants in those days! ²⁰ Pray that your flight may not be in winter or on a Sabbath. ²¹ For at that time there will be great suffering, such as has not been from the beginning of the world until now, no, and never will be."

-Jesus, in the Gospel According to Matthew, chapter 24

 UPDATE: According to a report from TMN.com, this Bible is was first announced by Lee Greenwood in 2021, supposedly as a commemoration of the 20th anniversary of 9/11. Asking price was $49.99. It was originally to be printed in New International Version but Zondervan pulled out of the project after protests from Christian groups. (Good for them!) The royalty-free King James version was a cheaper alternative anyway. The original sale was marked by printing and distribution problems, leaving a lot of disappointed customers.

But now Greenwood has the former president's "endorsement", which means an additional 10 bucks per book. We'll see how many books Greenwood can unload now. 

Watch here for updates on this unfolding story.

I Told You So

The Captain was going to write this post a couple months ago, but “things” got busy in my world.

You know how that goes, right mates?

But now “things” have gotten worse, so here it is.

This past Sunday, the Chief Justice of the Alabama Supreme Court released a ruling concerning the accidental destruction of frozen embryos.

Captain’s Note: The Chief Justice will remain nameless here because, due to Banana Winds policy, we neither celebrate nor publish the names or likenesses of criminals.

Somehow a patient at the Center for Reproductive Medicine at Mobile Infirmary was able to access a freezer, remove some test tubes containing frozen embryos, and drop them on the floor. The embryos were destroyed.

The issue at hand: what recourse do the egg & sperm donors have?

Imagine if you will: here is this young couple who has spent untold time and money in an attempt to have a child. They have been poked and prodded to no end and have finally resorted to in vitro fertilization as the answer to their hopes and dreams.

Now they have to start over.

Even the Captain’s cold dead heart goes out to the couple.

Unfortunately, the State Supreme Court declared the frozen embryos to be classified as “unborn children”, an as yet undefined but protected category in the state Constitution.

As such, the parents-to-be can sue for wrongful death of a minor.

The Chief Justice, writing in support of the ruling, went on to explain the scripture-based rationale: 

All humans are created in the image of God.

Thus all human life is sacred.

“Human life cannot be wrongfully destroyed without incurring the wrath of a holy God,” he wrote.

Not the language one would expect in a legal decision, but there it is.

This theocratic ruling raises all kinds of questions, some serious, others not so much:

-Normally in IVF treatments, multiple embryos are implanted, then reduced to the desired number as they become viable. Will mothers now be expected to carry to term all the implanted embryos? Or will clinics be forced to implant only one at a time?

-If wannabe parents decide not to follow through with IVF, can they be sued for neglect of a "child"?

-What can a fertility clinic do with unused frozen embryos? Will they be required to “babysit” them forever? Whose responsibility will it be to care for these "children"?

-If I carry a frozen embryo in my car, can I drive in the Diamond Lane?

-Does the "child" get a social security number as soon as the sperm is mechanically injected into the egg in a laboratory petri dish? Would that event mark its actual birthdate? 

-Would the "child" qualify for food stamps? Would child support payments begin immediately?

-If the embryo remains frozen for 18 years, can it vote? If for 21 years, can it buy alcohol and cigarettes?

Already, the hospital at UA-B, along with several other clinics, has halted IVF procedures until all this can be sorted out.

Which means the hopes of many young couples has again been delayed, if not dashed.

Captain's Note: Fear not! The state legislature is already rushing to write legislation that removes frozen embryos from the "protected" category. What could possibly go wrong?

While this case isn’t about abortion, the decision has far-reaching implications, not the least of which includes the end to all abortions in Alabama.

Yer Captain saw this coming in June of 2022, following the fall of Roe v Wade, which for 50 years provided federal protection of abortion rights. When the U.S. Supreme Court struck down what many wrongfully believed to be “settled law”, states began writing their own draconian anti-abortion laws.

In July 2022, after the fall of Roe v Wade, I wrote an article for the church newsletter lamenting its demise.

I noted our denomination’s stance on abortion, that while it is not to be utilized as a simple means of birth control or to select the sex of one’s child, it should remain a viable option for women. I named one of several instances in which an abortion becomes a necessary medical procedure to protect the health of the mother.

At the time, Kentucky was one of the most restrictive anti-abortion states. I warned that many states would now be moving toward an absolute ban, which I find unconscionable.

After the publication of that newsletter, a church member took me to task.

“It’s sad when our church can’t celebrate the end of Roe v Wade…”

She assured me there would always be an exception for the health of the mother.

Except…

In the last year-and-a-half we have seen a 10-year-old girl in Ohio who was raped by her uncle; she was refused an abortion. She traveled across the state line to Indianapolis to receive the medical care she needed. [The uncle got life in prison.]

Also in Ohio, a woman’s water broke too soon. Knowing an abortion was the only solution, her doctor sent her home instead. She miscarried in her bathroom, attempted to flush the dead fetus down the toilet, and was charged with “abuse of a corpse”.

In Texas, a woman carrying a fetus diagnosed with a fatal condition (which could also affect the health of the mother) was denied an abortion; even the Texas Attorney General got involved, trying to prevent her from leaving the state to get the medical care she needed.

Also in Texas, a man secretly gave his wife a drug to induce a miscarriage. He received 180 days in jail. Had the wife sought an abortion, she could have gone to prison for life. [The child was born prematurely, suffers from developmental delays, and attends therapy eight times a week.]

To date, fourteen states have enacted laws that virtually ban all abortions, usually targeting either the mother or her physician.

You know the Captain hates to say “I told you so”, but…

Well, I did. I did tell you so.

Now we have this state Supreme Court justice declaring frozen embryos are protected.

This ruling will effectively spell the end to abortions. And to in vitro fertilization.  

At least in Alabama.

But it won’t end there. Other state legislatures are watching.

Plotting.

Because “all human life is sacred”.

In other news, on Monday Alabama’s Attorney General asked that same State Supreme Court to set a date for the execution of a second death row inmate by nitrogen gas.

We will soon find out if all human life really is sacred in Alabama.

Folks in Alabama might want to prepare for the wrath of a holy God, just in case.