Oh, Crap II

Oh Crap!

I'm So Excited!

Crazy News!

Have you been reading the news this week?

If so, I ask you, has the whole world gone crazy, or just the Captain?

Did you see these reports in the news?

1) A woman in New Mexico was accused "by a reliable informant" of being a "drug mule". (Look it up if you don't know what that means.) She was detained and forced to undergo a court-ordered body-cavity search, which produced nothing. Later, the hospital at which she was searched sent her a bill for $1,122! She is protesting the bill.

I'm guessing her HMO has rejected the claim as an unnecessary procedure?

2) Indiana State Police picked up a man marching along the highway carrying a samurai sword. When asked to identify himself, he proclaimed, "I'm cuckoo for Cocoa Puffs!"

Do they still make Cocoa Puffs?

3) A man in Northern Ireland is suing facebook because his 12-year-old daughter posted sexually provocative photos on her page. The man says Facebook is "guilty of negligence" because they weren't monitoring her posts. And besides that, Facebook policy says that users must be 13 or older.

Seems to me the dad is the negligent one here.

4) A man in Ohio is suing his co-workers because they won a $99 million lottery jackpot while he was out for three months with a back injury. In his claim, he insists that he always previously put in his $5 each month, and that others had always covered for those who were sick or on vacation. His would-be share of the pot is more than $2 million.

I think the lottery rules are clear: you can't win if you don't play!

And finally, the one that really takes the cake:

5) members of the Tea Party are angry because Teamster President James Hoffa called them "SOB"s in a recent Labor Day speech.

Your humble Captain blushes at the thought!

 Hoffa also said the Tea Party should be "taken out"!

Wink, Wink! Nudge, Nudge! Say no more!

Now, some TP'ers are arguing that Hoffa is calling for violence against Tea Party members, which I will not say has never happened. But at the same time, TP'ers seem to have forgotten Michelle Bachmann's speech from April 2010 when she told a Tea Party crowd that "this gangster government" should be "taken out!"

Of course, speaking to Tea Party members, Bachmann obviously meant that they should each personally take members of the government out for brunch!

To make this story all the more ludicrous, many TP'ers are calling upon President Obama to apologize for Hoffa's remarks. Seems the President was in the general vicinity when the remarks were made and - well, y'know - since "the buck stops here", it was all the President's fault!

The first four stories are just craziness that some judge somewhere will have to sort out. I imagine he will then adjourn to a dimly-lit bar downtown where he will gaze introspectively into a tumbler of 12-year-old Scotch and examine once again why he pursued a career in law. He could have chosen a career that would have made a difference to someone. His mother wanted a doctor... he would have been a great architect... or interior decorator... the world needs more interior decorators... And at closing time, the bartender will once again call a taxi which will deliver His Honor safely home. 

But this fifth and final story of communal madness brings me to call to mind three standing rules aboard the Banana Winds:

Rule #1 - Respect the First Amendment. My father taught me, "I may disagree with what you say, but I will defend to the death your right to say it." That doesn't mean you have to say everything that you think, but you have the right.

Rule #2 - Never apologize. I'm tired of all the "apologies" being tossed back and forth around Washington these days! (I've written other blogs on this. Go see for yourself!) If you've got the nerve to say it out loud, you should have the cajones to stand by what you said. If you don't mean it, don't say it! Simple as that.

Rule #3 - Never - ever! - apologize for what someone else says. Refer back to rules number one and two.

And Rule #4 - When your life goes all to hell, when you feel like the whole world is against you, when you even lose the ability to count to three, blame it on the Margaritas!

A New Favorite

It's been a crazy past two months. Little time to do much outside of work. And apparently I am not alone in this. Many of my links to blogger friends have also been largely inactive.

Note to blogger friends: Time to update!

But things are starting to settle down a little bit now.

I say that with some hesitation; you know how those things go...

Anyway, I'm almost finished painting my office, I unpacked 8 boxes of books yesterday, and the heatwave has apparently broken.

So this afternoon I went to a movie.

Rotten Tomatoes gave it a 68%. Said it was "uneven", but "too charming to resist".

They are so right about that last part.

I won't give away the story, but the movie revolves around Ned (Paul Rudd), a biodynamic farmer who sells produce at a local farmer's market. Ned is an innocent, who refuses to lie and likes to believe the best about everyone. This trust leads him to sell pot to a uniformed police officer, landing him in prison for 8 months.

Upon his early release (for good behavior, of course) and with no place to go, Ned bounces among the homes of his three beautiful sisters - Liz (a very dowdy Emily Mortimer), Miranda (Elizabeth Banks), and Natalie (Zooey Deschanel), each of whose lives is mired in lies and deceptions.

That's all I'm going to say about that. Go see the movie. And stay for the out-takes during the credits.

But this blog is not about a movie, but a person. Zooey Deschanel has stolen my heart yet again, catapulting her to the top of my favorite actress list. 

Some day I'll give you the full list.

Admittedly, her acting sometimes comes off as wooden and emotionless, but her big blue eyes and great legs are absolutely captivating!

The 31-year-old model/actress/singer/songwriter is the daughter of Caleb Deschanel, who was cinamatographer for 'The Passion of Christ". Her mother is Mary Jo Deschanel, who was in the old TV cult hit "Twin Peaks". Her sister is Emily Deschanel, star of the TV series "Bones".

I first noticed Zooey in the 2007 ScyFy channel miniseries, "Tin Man", a unique take on "The Wizard of Oz".

In 2009 she starred in "(500) Days of Summer".

Beginning September 20, she will star in a Fox television series, "NewGirl".

Tuesdays at 8 central.

I'll be watching!