“There’s not going to be any pain for American-owned companies and American workers, because their jobs are going to come back home, and again, as for prices, President Trump is working on tax cuts to put more money back into the pockets of Americans,” White House Press Secretary Karoline Leavitt told NewsNation’s “Morning in America” on Thursday.
Yes, yer Captain is still talking about tariffs.
Those trifling little nuisances that will bring in so much money from foreign countries that one day no one in America will ever have to pay income taxes!
Huzzah!
I mean, why are we even still talking about this!?! Surely you’ve got better things to do than ask your government officials to explain how tariffs really work!
And how dare you question Karoline Leavitt’s grasp of the issues!
I mean, that’s truly insulting!
After all, she has a bachelor’s degree in [checks notes]… communications!
She knows more about how tariffs work than all those economists who are saying otherwise!
Uhm, right?
CAPTAIN’S NOTE: The President and his administration have insisted from the outset that tariffs are paid by the exporting countries, which is not true. As previously discussed, a tariff is a tax placed on other nations’ exports designed to raise the price of foreign goods so more Americans will choose the higher-priced American-made goods. The tariff is paid by the importer with the cost passed along to the consumer.
Last week the President shared his list of countries that have “taken advantage of us”, “ripped us off”, and are deserving of this “punishment”.
Before we get into that, let’s look at the stock market:
Oh shit!
As you might guess, that dive began the day after the President announced tariffs on everybody.
It was looking bad enough yesterday, but then the President announced he was negotiating with South Korea and possibly China and everybody got excited again!
And then it tanked worse than the day before!
Of course, being the great President that he is, I’m sure Trumpf was in the Oval Office, hard at work – rallying his supporters, calling in favors…
WTF!?!
So then, across the board, the listed countries will be hit with a 10% tariff on all exports to the U.S. Some will be punished with as high as 50% tariffs.
CAPTAIN'S NOTE: Yes, it becomes a punishment on the exporter when Americans stop buying their products because the price doubled.
Oddly, that list, "carefully compiled by some really smart people”, omits Russia and Cuba, but includes the Heard and McDonald Islands – volcanic islands near Antarctica which are inhabited only by penguins and polar bears.
Yep, they don’t buy any American-made products!
Let’s tax the hell out of those flippered little bastards!
CAPTAIN'S NOTE: Just kidding there. Yer Captain loves penguins!
When pushed on why the Trumpf administration was attaching tariffs to an unpopulated island chain, a White House spokesperson waved it off with a “Whatever!”
But it’s not a “Whatever”! They are on the list. This carefully-crafted list. Really smart people. We deserve to know why.
Commerce Secretary Lutinick argued that it was done to prevent other nations from laundering their exports through those islands to avoid their own tariffs.
The Captain is convinced they make this shit up as they go along.
I don’t know about you, but yer Captain would be very suspicious of any automobile labeled “Made on Heard and McDonald Islands”.
Tariffs have also been slapped on the breakaway South African nation of Lesotho – because there is a huge trade deficit between our two countries.
We buy their denim and diamonds (I shit you not!), but they don’t buy anything from us!
And here’s why: half of the 2.3 million people in Lesotho live below the poverty level.
They don’t buy American-made products because they can’t afford them!
Nonetheless, the price of your Levis just went up 50%!
China also got hit with a 50% tariff and the President is threatening to add another 50% on top of that.
In response, China is forging trade agreements with Japan and South Korea, potentially cutting off a significant amount of trade with the U.S.
China has vowed to win this trade war!
But nobody’s going to feel any pain from that, right?
American factories overseas have already begun laying off employees because of the tariff announcement.
Can’t make a profit with a 25% tariff attached.
But no pain there, right?
Because all those factories will return to the U.S. and bring good jobs to the American people.
CAPTAIN’S NOTE: Conservative estimates say factory start-ups take 5-10 years.
But we’re okay with that, right?
Just a little pain.
For a brief time.
Meanwhile, Apple will continue making their much-coveted iPhone overseas.
They will simply raise the price another $600 to offset the tariffs.
They know American consumers are addicted to their product and will pay it.
No pain there either.
FULL DISCLOSURE: The Captain's iPhone is an SE model; I've had it for more than six years now.
And what about your average Walmart shopper?
Around 60% of Walmart goods come from China, did you know that?
Are you ready to pay an additional 50% at the self-check cash register?
No pain…
Okay, maybe a little pain.
Short term.
And while you continue to pay a high price for a dozen eggs, just be content to know that the genius-President’s long-term plan will eventually return us to America’s Golden Age.
(See my previous post about that!)
The announced tariffs have caused volatility in stock markets around the world, as mentioned above.
Elon Musk, who has a Tesla plant in China, has spoken out against the tariffs.
His Tesla stock has dropped 40% in value since the beginning of the year, some of it caused by the tariff threat.
The rest because he is just an ass!
That’s got to hurt!
Yes, even the richest man in the world is feeling a little pain!
To help ease his pain, the President, who has previously spoken out against electric cars, became a pitch-man for Tesla cars (hawking Elon’s product while standing in front of the White House no less), the Commerce Secretary is begging people to buy Tesla stock (“The lowest it’s ever been!”), and Elon ordered his employees to hold onto their stock options.
And Elon’s not alone! Ken Langone, founder of Home Depot and Trumpf supporter, has said the tariffs are a bad idea.
Billionaire hedge fund manager Bill Ackman, a vocal Trump supporter, warned that without a pause, the U.S. will launch an “economic nuclear war” that may cause business investment in America to “grind to a halt.”
Jamie Dimon, the CEO of J.P. Morgan Chase, said the tariffs “will likely increase inflation and are causing many to consider a greater probability of a recession.”
Wait! Did someone use the “R-word”?
The President’s “Counselor” on tariffs, Peter Navarro, disagrees: “I guarantee no recession, okay? Why? Because when we pass the biggest, broadest tax cut in history within a matter of months, that’s going to be a great stimulus.”
CAPTAIN’S NOTE: Elon has called Navarro a “Moron” and “Dumber than a sack of bricks!” On this we agree.
By the way, Navarro allegedly became the President’s advisor based on a book he co-wrote, “Death By China”, recommended to the President by Jared Kushner.
Because, you know the President doesn’t read anything.
In Navarro’s book there is a person named “Ron Vara” who offers biting commentary on China’s economic practices.
“Ron Vara” is a made up character, a play on Navarro’s name.
Which is all fine and good, except the book is not supposed to be fiction.
Navarro was an advisor during Trumpf’s first term, who put together an economic plan for the future president that MIT economist Simon Johnson declared contained projections "based on assumptions so unrealistic that they seem to have come from a different planet. If the United States really did adopt Trump's plan, the result would be an immediate and unmitigated disaster."
Sadly, Navarro (or is it Ron Vara?) is still advising the President, and… here we are!
But I digress…
While not a billionaire, until recently yer Captain had retirement plans which have likely now been deferred.
The giant swings in the stock market are not good for a body's pension.
Especially since, at the same time, Elon’s DOGE is hacking away at my Social Security fund.
That’s gonna hurt!
But a little pain is okay, right?
Necessary even!
Just like getting a cavity filled.
You’ll be better for it when it’s over.
“Just lay back and take it!” one Trumpf advisor suggested.
CAPTAIN’S NOTE: Does that sound kind of rape-y to you?
It’s necessary because the stock market is bloated.
This is just a slight adjustment!
This is about “right-sizing” the American economy!
This is about punishing all those countries that have been taking advantage of us all these years!
Selling us stuff we want (and cheaper) without buying what we make!
How dare they!
Tariffs will bring down the price of gas!
Tariffs will make housing costs affordable!
And tariffs will take away power from those Wall Street mucky-mucks who are ruining our country!
Don’t forget the Fentanyl flowing across our border from Canada thicker than Maple Syrup! Somehow tariffs will stop that too!
And let’s not forget about Hillary’s emails!
Okay, yes, there may be a little pain in the short-term, but you’ve got to keep your eyes on the President’s long-term goal, we are told!
All of these businesses are going to return to America!
We’ll start making things again!
Jobs for Americans!
CAPTAIN’S NOTE: Has anyone else noticed how many state legislatures are now overturning the hard-won child labor laws?
Coincidence?
Of course, a lot of those jobs will be turned over to automation.
But somebody’s got to keep the machines running, right?
So Engineers! Mechanics! Electricians! HVAC! Security!
High-paying (but non-union) jobs for Americans!
And we’ll drill for more oil!
We’ll mine more natural resources!
Sure, there are some natural resources not found in America. So we’ll illegally invade and possess Greenland and steal their natural resources!
What’s more, the White House just announced plans to turn over half of our national parks to logging.
Millions of acres of old-growth, carbon-rich forests will be sold to the highest bidder.
Not only will this offset the loss of lumber from Canada (because of tariffs), it will cut down on the number of forest fires too!
If there’s no forest, there’s no forest fire. Right?
I can’t make this shit up! This really was one rational for the order to start cutting down our national parks.
Some economists and business people are saying all this will bring about a recession, which seems common for Republican administrations.
But we’ve been told there’s not going to be a recession!
Well, there might be a recession.
No, there won’t.
Navarro personally guarantees there will not be a recession.
Okay, maybe just a little one...
My apologies, mates. Yer Captain is ranting. Let’s go back to where we started with all this.
When challenged on tariffs by an AP reporter, Leavitt whined to Maria Bartiromo,
"He [Boak] clearly fails to see President Trump's long-term economic strategy, which is to bring in so much revenue, so much wealth into our country through tariffs, that we can give larger tax cuts to the American people to put more money back into their pockets."
So, according to Leavitt, the Trumpf administration, and the Republican-controlled Congress which is enabling this train wreck, the American public will happily pay higher prices due to tariffs – so much so that the President will give us all tax cuts – putting more money in our pockets – so we’ll be able to afford the higher prices created by the tariffs?
Did I get that right?
Please, somebody make it make sense!
