May the best team win!
And by that yer Captain means, “Go Seahawks!”
Of course, a good portion of the viewership will be watching only for the commercials, which this year will cost $8-10 million.
That’s for a 30-second spot.
While the game itself should be watch-worthy, the real hubbub surrounds the half-time show.
No, we’re not anticipating a costume malfunction like in 2004 when Justin Timberlake ripped off half of Janet Jackson’s top.
This year it’s all about Bad Bunny, a young Puerto Rican singer who’s latest work just took “Best Album” at the Grammys.
From the moment the news of this choice was announced, MAGAts from the POSOTUS on down started screaming!
Not that they had ever heard of Bad Bunny.
Not that they knew anything about his personal life.
Not that they had ever listened to one of his songs.
He sings in Spanish, so they really have no idea what he is saying!
It’s just that… well… he’s not WHITE!
“AND HE’S NOT A ‘MURICAN!”
CAPTAIN’S NOTE: I just threw that in there for fun. People born in Puerto Rico are American citizens. But try telling that to a MAGAt!
The music of Bad Bunny is a combination of Latin trap and reggaeton, with a little salsa, bossa nova, and merengue thrown in.
It is sometimes traditional. Sometimes political. Sometimes passionate. Sometimes sexual.
And it should have the crowds at Levi Stadium on their feet!
Knowing of the stirring controversy, and just to add fuel to the fire, Bad Bunny announced last week that he is going to wear a dress during the performance!
Heads started exploding!
Enter TurningPointUSA, that good, clean, family-oriented organization shaping the minds of young conservatives, founded by prematurely-deceased Charlie Kirk, now run by his loving widow, Erika, who, by their own admonitions, should be home taking care of their children instead of running a multi-million dollar corporation!
Wait! Should she be hugging the Vice President like that so soon after her husband's death?
TPUSA began putting together an "All-American Half-time Show" celebrating "faith, family, and freedom" to counter what they view to be a divisive choice for the Super Bowl. It will be aired during half-time on the various TPUSA social channels plus a few others, including Trinity Broadcast Network!
(More on that in a moment.)
After much anticipation, the line-up for this alternative half-time show was announced: it will be headlined by none other than Kid Rock!
CAPTAIN’S NOTE: There are three other performers named as well: two mid-level country music “stars” and Gabby Barrett, who won 3rd place on season 16 of American Idol.
For what it's worth, Bad Bunny has more social media followers than all four combined!
But Kid Rock gets the spotlight.
Robert James Ritchie (aka Kid Rock) came out of Detroit in the late 80s. His musical style was hip hop, then Rap Rock, then Country Rock.
Whatever pays the bills, I suppose.
Little-remembered fact: he was married to Pamela Anderson for a brief year.
How the hell...?!?
Another little-remembered fact: Kid Rock performed at Super Bowl XXXVIII in 2004. The little shit cut a hole in an American flag and wore it as a poncho, rightfully drawing criticism from Veterans of Foreign Wars and Senator Zell Miller, among others.
In recent years he has become a cheerleader for Donald Trumpf.
His most popular song, “All Summer Long” (2008) has an easy country beat and tells a story about that summer he was “caught somewhere between a boy and a man” (age-wise), partying with a 17-year-old female.
CAPTAIN’S NOTE: In Alabama, 19 is the legal age.
But I digress…
And we were trying different things
And we were smoking funny things
Making love out by the lake to our favorite song
Sipping whiskey out the bottle
Not thinking 'bout tomorrow
Singing "Sweet Home Alabama" all summer long
Good, wholesome, family-oriented, all-American lyrics.
CAPTAIN’S NOTE: I share this song only as a mild example of his music because Kid Rock’s other songs get much worse.
Among his albums you will find, “Early Morning Stoned Pimp” (1996), “Devil Without a Cause” (1998), “Cocky” (2001), “Rock n Roll Jesus” (2007), and most recently “Bad Reputation” (2022), which features songs like “Ala-Fuckin-Bama”, “We the People”, and “Don’t Tell Me How to Live”.
Why is that relevant?
As I mentioned above, this counter-concert will be aired on numerous TPUSA live streams AND TBN.
TBN (Trinity Broadcast Network) was created and built by religious grifters Paul and Jan Crouse. They lived a lavish lifestyle at the expense of their donors and promoted the Prosperity Gospel. TBN’s stated ministry goal is “to use the ‘miracle’ of television to take the message of salvation, hope, and healing through Jesus to people everywhere.” Its 24-hour programming is a no-holds-barred evangelical Christian love-fest.
And on Sunday, TBN will be broadcasting a Kid Rock concert.
Here’s lyrics from his hit “Cool, Daddy, Cool” (2001), which I hope he performs on Sunday:
See me cruisin' in my Caddy, ho's, they like to call me daddy
Cool, when I'm stylin', just rollin' on my island
Now just in case I pack heat, keep a case of brew in my backseat
Got a pocket full of cash, hey, got a fatty in my ashtray …
Now, some people
say my mind's blown, I'm coolin' like a snow cone
On my cell phone I'm paid, G, can't call me, just page me
Young ladies, young ladies, I like
'em underage, see
Some say that's
statutory (But I say it's mandatory)
But it’s all good because Kid Rock is a self-proclaimed Christian.
He said so openly on a Joe Rogan podcast in 2024.
“Jesus is everywhere! He’s in this room! He’s in the universe!”
His Pastor is Paula White, the twice divorced/thrice married “Spiritual Advisor” to President Trumpf.
She is the one who just sent out emails to churches and other religious organizations encouraging them to buy group tickets and even private screenings to boost the sales of the misbegotten movie “Melania”.
CAPTAIN’S NOTE: In case you were thinking about going to the movie, this $75 million Amazon-funded bio-pic scored a 6% on the Rotten Tomatoes Scale, right alongside of “The Adventures of Pluto Nash”.
Okay, so Kid Rock says he is a Christian.
“GOD FORGAVE HIM, WHY CAN’T YOU?”
Fair enough. Let’s consider.
Could it be that his “Rock n Roll Jesus” album (2007) is filled with songs proclaiming the transforming power of Jesus Christ in his life?
Yer Captain is thinking back to 1978, when Bob Dylan briefly converted to Christianity following a personal crisis, divorce, and a vision from God in a Tucson hotel room. To mark his new-found faith Dylan released three explicitly-Christian albums: “Slow Train Coming”, “Saved”, and “Shot of Love”.
Is “Rock n Roll Jesus” Kid Rock’s coming out album? Let’s check out the lyrics to the title song:
Testify
It's a Rock revival
Don't need a suit
Ya don't need a bible
Get up and dance
I'm gonna set you free yeah
Testify
It's all sex, drugs, rock n roll
A soul sensation that you can't control
And you can see I practice what I preach
I'm your rock n roll Jesus
Yes I am
Probably not.
“YEAH, BUT BAD BUNNY HAS NEVER PUBLICLY PROFESSED HIS RELIGIOUS BELIEFS LIKE KID ROCK DID ON JOE ROGAN!”
Here’s the thing: Bad Bunny (real name Benito Antonio Martinez Ocasio) was raised in a devout Roman Catholic household. He went through confirmation, first communion, he was even an altar boy. Although he left the institutional church as an adult, he still says he finds God everywhere and in everything.
In addition, and probably because of his faith history, he has a foundation (“Good Bunny”) that supports young people in the Puerto Rican community with art supplies, sports equipment, and musical instruments. He has helped his country with hurricane recovery, even helping to restore baseball fields on the island.
And his family prays for him, which he appreciates.
“YEAH, BUT KID ROCK PREACHES IT! WHAT A WITNESS HE WILL BE!”
Then let me ask, how has the transformative power of Jesus Christ changed Kid Rock? What difference has it made in his life? In his music?
You decide. Here's a sample of his 2022 hit “We the People”:
We the people in all we do
Reserve the right to scream "Fuck you"
(Hey-yeah) ow
(Hey-yeah) huh
"Wear your mask, take your pills"
Now a whole generation's mentally ill
(Hey-yeah) man, fuck Fauci
(Hey-yeah)
But COVID's near, it's coming to town
We gotta act quick, shut our borders down
Joe Biden does, the media embraces
Big Don does it and they call him racist
We the people (ooh, let's go Brandon)
We the people (ooh, let's go Brandon)
We the people (ooh, let's go Brandon)
We the people
Fuck Facebook
Fuck Twitter too
And the mainstream media
Fuck you too, too, too
(Woo) yeah, you
We the people (ooh, yeah)
We the people
Y’know what, the Captain may watch this train wreck of a half-time show just to hear those words broadcast on Paul and Jan Crouch’s precious Christian network!
“BUT HE CALLS HIMSELF ‘BAD BUNNY’! HE’S OBVIOUSLY A BAD PERSON!”
Yes, that’s because of this photo of him from grade school:
And he's man enough to own it!
Here’s one more thought to consider: the title of Bad Bunny’s Grammy-winning album is, “Debí Tirar Más Fotos”, which translates to “I should have taken more photos”.
It’s not about pornography and sex tapes.
With all that said, mates, you now have choices.
And America is nothing but a shithole dictatorship if we don’t have choices.
So watch what you want – or watch nothing at all… that is another choice!
And enjoy your Super Bowl Sunday!
Go Seahawks!
