I know! I know!
It has been almost a month since the Captain’s last post here.
Well, yer Captain has been busy with “Life”, and July just passed me by.
But for those poor misguided fools who count on Banana Winds for news and information, here’s a small taste of what you missed:
-The Epstein Files were a big campaign issue for Trumpf and the MAGAts. They all hoped the files would contain a Client List that would name Democrats who traveled to Epstein’s private island to diddle little girls. Trumpf promised to release the files if elected. When asked about it recently, Attorney General Bondi said the Epstein File was on her desk and would be released soon. But apparently someone discovered the names of prominent Republicans populated the list – possibly even the President!
And suddenly the files no longer exist! The outcry from both Democrats and MAGAts became deafening, causing the House Majority Leader to recess a day early in hopes we will all forget about the Epstein Files by the time they return a month later. And since there are no files, Ghislaine Maxwell would like to be released from her 20-year sentence for procuring young girls to service Epstein and his clients. Maxwell is likely being coached by White House handlers, but she wants immunity to tell her story - which won't happen, Nonetheless, this last week she was moved to a minimum security prison. In the meantime, Trumpf has been making outrageous claims in an attempt to deflect to other issues. This time it is not working.
-Upon taking office, Trumpf took control of the Board of the John F. Kennedy Center for the Performing Arts. He plans to redecorate to his taste. (See Oval Office pics below.) Now his sycophants want to rename the Center after Trumpf and the related Opera House after the First Lady – not that either have contributed significantly to the arts (unless you count Melania’s modeling career).
This proposed name change may or may not be legal, but then, when has that ever stopped Trumpf?
-Trumpf has also signed Executive Orders making him the head of task forces concerning the 2026 World Cup and the 2028 Olympics.
This should add an interesting twist to these fabled contests as just last month the State Department denied the necessary visas for the Venezuelan team to enter the U.S. for the Little League World Series. The Captain can foresee very successful sporting events as the President refuses to let in teams that might beat the U.S.
-Trumpf blatantly asked several states to do a mid-decade gerrymander to give him five more Republican seats in the House. Texas was the first to suck up to him, so Texas Democrats fled the state to break quorum and prevent the bill from being voted on. The Texas Governor has made all kinds of threats against the Dems, even issuing arrest warrants (which are no good outside of Texas). The Dems tactic here is similar to the House Majority Leader taking a recess a day early to avoid having to call a vote on the Epstein Files. (Have I mentioned Epstein already?)
-Trumpf has added his gaudy touch to the Oval Office (see photo below), and just recently completed the paving over of the lawn in the Rose Garden. His next plan is to tear off the East Wing of the White House and build a 90,000 square feet ballroom. And no one is lifting a hand to stop him.
-The Department of Defense announced it would stop sharing weather satellite information with NOAA and storm trackers and such, just as we enter hurricane season. And since funding for FEMA has been cut, folks in hurricane-prone areas better take shelter NOW!
-The White House has also ordered the termination of two NASA satellites that have been tracking climate change, collecting data on human-generated carbon dioxide, information which is also used by oil and gas companies and farmers. That program only costs NASA $15 million per year, but the order that came down is not just to shut down the program but to destroy the satellites as well. Apparently someone doesn’t want facts to interfere with his agenda.
-Oklahoma State School Superintendent Ryan Walter was caught by two school board members with porn on his TV. He denies it was his, going so far as to claim the Governor put the board members up to discredit him. Walter, as you may remember, this is the guy who ordered Bible-reading and mandatory prayers for Oklahoma schools – with Bible requirements so tightly written that only The Trumpf Bible would fit the order.
-After a shady deal between Trumpf and CBS, CBS then announced the end of “The Late Show with Stephen Colbert”, a major Trumpf critic who also openly criticized the CBS deal. The President’s relationship with Epstein has been a frequent target of the late-night comedian. CBS claims it was a financial decision – likely necessary to cover the network’s multi-million dollar bribe to the President.
-This past week the Bureau of Labor and Statistics released the latest jobs report. It was lower than Trumpf expected. To make matters worse, the BLS down-graded two previous months. So Trumpf fired the messenger, Erika McEntarfer. He will replace her with someone who will report numbers (real or imagined) more to his liking.
-Over the weekend Transportation Secretary Sean Duff announced his plan to build a nuclear reactor on the Moon. No, I don’t know why. And, while technology has possibly changed since Three Mile Island, the Captain wonders, doesn’t a nuclear reactor need water? Lots of water? Is he going to make a 240,000 mile hose to siphon water from the Pacific Ocean?
But here’s the story that actually caught my attention today and inspired me to write. Blaise Ingoglia, Florida’s chief financial officer, has been doing D.O.G.E-type work in Florida. But he wants to change the name of the agency to “Florida Agency for Fiscal Oversight”.
For those who like acronyms, that would be “FAFO”.
CAPTAIN'S NOTE: In more contemporary usage, that stands for "F*ck Around and Find Out"!
And that’s pretty much where we are today, mates.
Oh, did I mention the Epstein Client List yet?
I did? Oh, ok.
Have a great week!
