We went to see "Twilight" yesterday. The theater was packed, second weekend after release.
I'm not a movie critic... but I did sleep at a Holiday Inn Express last night!... and being an "old guy", my review is probably hoplessly out of touch.
It was just so... 90210!
I mean, really, a foster family of "good" vampires stuck repeating high school year after year? I know vampires are not supposed to grow older, but at some point, Edward Cullen should have told his vampire foster dad, "Pop, 160 years as a high school junior is enough! If I have to read 'Tale of Two Cities' one more time, I am going to bite the english teacher!"
And what is wrong with a 17-year-old girl that she would even want to kiss a 160-year-old man? who was cold to the touch? and who was just plain creepy?
... even moreso than your typical 17-year-old, hormone-enraged, teenage boy?
For those of you who have not yet seen the movie, I won't give away the ending -- I hate it when people do that -- but think "sequel".
Anyway, as I watched this teen thriller, it struck me: my last post on vampires was completely chauvenistic. When I asked which was the greatest vampire of all time, I limited it to only male vampires.
That was wrong. I apologize.
So let me ask again, this time showing pics of some of the greatest female vampires:
I grew up with Vampirella. She was featured in comic books, achieving almost superhero status. I never understood the costume though. Why did all the male vampires wear tuxedos and capes, but she got stuck for all eternity in a slingshot bikini and knee-boots?
Not that I minded.
Then there was Elvira, "mistress of the dark" and late-night TV host.
At least I think she was a vampire.
Another vampire eternally stuck in a questionable costume was Akasha, from the movie "Queen of the Damned". Although the movie was not critically acclaimed, Aaliyah filled out the role -- and the costume -- superbly!
At this point, some of you may be thinking, "Perhaps it was less chauvenistic when he just left out the female vampires!"
Too late! Moving along!
There were a lot of female vampires in "Bordello of Blood", including Angie Everhart.
And then there's Kate Beckinsale in "Underworld".
I never watched the movie, so I'm not sure she was a vampire, but the costume made her worth including in the list.
Back to "Twilight". Although I didn't "get" the movie, I have decided to elevate Ashley Greene to the top of my Favorite Vampires list.
She didn't get nearly enough screen time, but as Alice Cullen, she was Cute. Playful. Spunky. I was just starting to think, "Wow! She could bite my neck any time!" About that moment, she lept across the screen and literally twisted the head off the bad vampire!
Now that's a real woman!
Even without a slingshot bikini!