Wednesday, October 21, 2015

Wow! Just... Wow!

There are few things that leave the Captain truly speechless. This one, however, caught me by surprise.

From recent experience, I knew there were still some people in the world who believe stuff like what I am about to report to you, but…

Well, it’s like when you see a mermaid for the first time. Sure you’ve heard about them. But you’ve never actually seen one, all your friends are skeptical, and so you’ve come to believe they don’t really exist.

And then one day one swims past you!

But I digress...

A friend pointed the Captain toward a blog that quite frankly blew my mind! The site is called “Biblical Gender Roles”, with a subtitle “Peace comes through living the way our creator designed us to”.

Grammar aside, the blog is an amazing collection of incredibly misogynistic thought rationalized by a literal interpretation of an ancient text.

Yes, I’m talking about the Bible, a book forever trapped in another time in another culture, but still help by some to be the ultimate and final Divine revelation on all matters related to human existence.

The author of all this crap (the blog, not the Bible) goes by the pseudonym “Larry Solomon” – yes, self-named after supposedly the wisest man in the Bible. 

“The reason I do not use my real name is the same reason that Christ hid himself from Jews: ‘They took up stones to cast at him: but Jesus hid himself, and went out of the temple, going through the midst of them, and so passed by.’ – John 8:59 (KJV)”

Before getting into the details, let’s look at the titles of some of his recent postings:

-“How a husband can enjoy sex that is grudgingly given by his wife”
-“Should a Christian wife fake it?”
-“The Ten Commandments for a Christian marriage” 
(We’ll come back to this one…)

And the coup de grace, the post that was shared with me:
“7 ways to discipline your wife”

In a different context, that might be worth reading...

Captain's Note: For consenting adults only.
Here, however, it has the worst possible meaning one could imagine.

“As a Christian husband you cannot allow your wife’s demeaning or disrespectful behavior to go unchecked because it is an affront to God’s established order.”

In the twisted world of this author, the husband is the God-ordained lord and master of the marriage. Wives are submissives, with the specific role of staying at home to bear and raise children, and to provide sex on demand for the husband’s enjoyment.

In fact, a disturbing number of posts on “Solomon’s” blog are sex-related.

The Captain suspects there is a reason for that.

So, when and how should a husband “discipline” his wife?

First, this caveat from the author: 

Discipline toward your wife should always start with the gentlest approach first and only move toward harder forms of discipline if the gentle approach does not yield results. Warnings should always be given before harder types of discipline are implemented. You should always pray and seek the Lord’s guidance before bringing these types of discipline on his wife."

 And with that out of the way...

According to the blog post, a husband should discipline his wife for things like disrespecting him, overspending, failing to take care of the children or contradicting his authority with the children, watching too much television or spending too much time online, failing to take care of the home, and yes, denying him sex.

There he goes with the sex stuff again!

There is something seriously wrong with this guy!

So who is this guy and where does he get all these wacky ideas?


Wait, I just can’t call him that…

That's more like it...

“Larry”, by his own admission, has had no formal training in theology (outside of Sunday School), although “I have read through the entire Bible several times and I have memorized many portions of Scripture.”

Larry believes Charles Spurgeon “was one of the greatest preachers in modern history and wrote some of the greatest commentaries on Scripture ever written.”

Charles Spurgeon, 1834-1892
Larry says, “I believe the Bible is the perfect, inerrant and inspired Word of God from Genesis to Revelation. I believe that we must take the Scripture literally unless the context is speaking symbolically (like in Prophecy) which means the vast majority of Scripture is to be taken literally.”

So what does a literal interpretation of the Scripture mean to a person who is divorced and remarried?

Oh, did I fail to mention that Larry is divorced?

Funny how some of the biggest religious crackpots can’t seem to find Matthew 5:31-32 in their Bibles…

For Larry, it’s as simple as this: 

“While I may fail to live up to the Bible perfectly (for none of us does) – I do aspire to do my best to follow God’s design for my life and for my marriage and family – in my own imperfect way.” 

But what about what Jesus says about divorce?

“…while I agree that divorced men are forbidden from being Pastors and Deacons there is no such prohibitions on simply teaching the Word of God.  These restrictions only apply to these local Church offices, not to all believers who would teach.”

Ah. Sidestep the question. Redirect the conversation to suit your beliefs. Got it!

Now, the Captain is not a psychiatrist, but I did sleep at a Holiday Inn Express Friday night! And from what he writes, I would guess that Larry’s first wife 1) didn’t share his interpretation of Scripture, 2) didn’t put up with his misogynistic bullshit, 3) and didn’t help him get his rocks off as often as he wanted.

"I'm not a tease; I'm just not that into you."
How do I know this? Let’s look at just a few of his “10 Commandments of Christian Marriage”:

#2 – Wives – Submit to your husband.

#6 – Wives – Ravish your husband with your sexual love, and give your body freely to your husband whenever he needs sex.

#7 – Husbands – find sexual satisfaction in your wife’s body on a regular basis, and give your body freely to your wife whenever she needs sex.

Do I need to go on?

I could. Because Larry does. He goes on… and on… and on…

But I won’t.

You’re welcome.

Mates, take a word of advice from the Captain. Marriage is a privilege and an honor for both husband and wife. It should be entered into with mutual respect, love, and trust. It should be a partnership in which both parties have the opportunity to contribute, to grow, and to flourish.

So fellas, treat your woman well. Respect her for who she is and encourage her to aspire to be her very best. 

And you will be blessed.

On the other hand, if you treat her like a servant, or simply as a receptacle for your semen, or as a baby factory, you will never know the joy of true love God designed for human relationships.

Wednesday, October 14, 2015

October Musings

No deep thoughts today…

*Shut up!*

But the Captain has noticed some interesting items in the news this week – perhaps not worthy of a full blog post, but interesting enough to comment on.

I learned in high school journalism class that to keep the reader’s attention, one should lead off with the most juicy, titillating items first, so here goes…

Playboy Enterprises announced yesterday that its flagship magazine will no longer publish photos of naked women!

{Gasp!} And the Captain just renewed his subscription!

Kidding, of course.

This news should come as no surprise to anyone.

In fact, the real surprise is that the magazine has not folded before now.

Playboy’s CEO Scott Flanders states the obvious as he notes that the world has changed: “You’re now one click away from every sex act imaginable for free.”

And the nude centerfolds which launched an industry 62 years ago is now “passé’”.  

Playboy Magazine, once the literature of choice under every teenage boy’s bed for the past six decades, is printing only about 800,000 copies per month now, down from a peak circulation of 7 million copies in the 70s.

I suppose now we will find out how many men actually do buy it “just for the articles”.

As a further note of interest, the magazine with the highest circulation in America today is… AARP Magazine!

Yes, the baby-boomers are growing older.

A-B InBev
The world’s largest international beer conglomerate, which bought up Anheuser-Busch in 2008, has now made an offer on SABMiller. The deal, which has been tentatively approved, is worth $106 billion dollars – twice what was paid for Anheuser-Busch in 2008 – and will make A-B InBev the producer of 1/3 of the world’s beers.

A-B InBev’s portfolio will now include:
-All of the Budweiser labels
-Stella Artois
-All of the Miller labels

…just to name a few.

As an interesting aside, to ensure "market competition" in the U.S. InBev was forced to shed its Canadian label, Labatt, when it took over Anheuser-Busch.

As if...

To read more about what the Captain wrote about InBev back in 2008, go HERE and HERE.

InBev’s purchase of SABMiller may simply be another step toward total world domination – “Control their Beer, Control the World”, or it may be a “Hail Mary” attempt to save the major beer producers as microbreweries are slowly gaining on the big guys.

But since the Captain doesn’t drink much beer, this is no big deal.

Several years ago, the Captain grew tired of the crew of NBC’s TODAY show. Matt Lauer and company are just a bunch of overpaid hacks.

“Where in the World is Matt Lauer?”

Who the hell cares!

So I switched to ABC’s Good Morning America. 

George Stephanopoulos gives the "info-tainment" show an air of credibility, while Lara Spencer and the rest work just as hard to destroy said credibility.

But this morning’s broadcast made the Captain turn off the television and consider what else I could watch as I get ready to take on the world every morning.

Here’s what happened…

Last night was the first debate for the five candidates vying for the Democrat nomination for President. By most accounts, it was a two-horse race, and the front-runners stuck to the serious matters that are confronting America.

Unlike the circus atmosphere of the previous Republican debates…

Seriously, how is Donald Trump still the Republican’s frontrunner?

Anyway, in its report on last night’s debate, GMA led off with Senator Bernie Sanders' now infamous exclamation about “those damn emails!”, then jumped right to the announcement that Donald Trump “tweeted” throughout the debate…

And then they interviewed Trump (via telephone) about what he thought of the debate!

I had to turn it off before my head exploded! And now I am afraid to turn my television back on, for fear of what asinine follow-up might be coming next.

Fantasy Island
And finally, ABC has announced plans to reboot “Fantasy Island”, a popular Aaron Spelling production that ran on ABC from 1977-1984.

Like its sister production, “Love Boat”, Fantasy Island gave has-been actors another chance to be on television. Mr. Roarke (played by the inimitable Ricardo Montalban) would welcome the guests who arrived to his island by seaplane, and then send them off on “the fantasy of their life” – which usually took a wicked twist along the way before being resolved in a “happily ever after” ending.

The moral of each episode always seemed to be, “Be careful what you wish for!”

ABC tried a reboot in 1989, but that one flopped. So, if at first you don’t succeed…

The new show supposedly takes place in San Francisco – ‘the city where dreams come true’. And the lead wish-granter will be “a brilliant, dynamic and sexy woman who runs a San Francisco-based company that provides clients with his or her most intimate, dark or outlandish fantasy.”

Wait… Isn’t that Ashley Madison?

Enough fun for one day! The Captain and First Mate are headed off on an adventure!

Weigh the anchor!

Raise the sails!

Hoist the colors high!