Saturday, December 26, 2015

Merry Christmas!

[The Captain apologizes for this belated Christmas greeting. A series of unfortunate events - as well as a major holiday - prevented me from updating Banana Winds these past few days. I'm still working on a borrowed computer - an Acer Aspire running VISTA! - but we hope to be sailing again soon. Stay tuned! In the meantime...]

Here's some Christmas cheer from 
the Captain and Krewe of Banana Winds!


Thursday, December 17, 2015

Captain Dave's "Outrage of the Month"

Just when you think you’ve heard it all…

The London Telegraph reported this week that Saudi millionaire Ehsan Abdulaziz has been acquitted of a rape charge stemming from an August 2014 encounter with an 18-year-old.

According to the Telegraph, the 46-year-old Abdulaziz hooked up with two women (ages 24 & 18) at a fancy nightclub in London. After impressing them with his $2,000 per night table at the club, he took them both back to his London flat in his Aston Martin where he plied them both with more Vodka.

Abdulaziz, whose name ironically means “Servant of God”, led the older woman into his bedroom for sex; the younger woman passed out on his sofa.

Here’s where it gets interesting.

Or perverse…

Somewhere in the wee hours of the morning, the 18-year-old awoke to find Abdulaziz on top of her, allegedly raping her.

Yes, according to her, his penis was inside her vagina. 

And the rape kit found his semen inside her.

Case closed, right?

Not so fast.

Abdulaziz offered two explanations for how this could have happened:

1)    After having sex with the 24-year-old, he went out to offer the younger woman a T-shirt to sleep in or a taxi home. He claims she reached up and pulled him down toward her, placing his semen-smeared hand (from his previous conquest) between her legs.

2)    After having sex with the 24-year-old, he went out to offer the younger woman a T-shirt to sleep in or a taxi home. His penis was perhaps still erect and poking through his shorts and as he approached the sleeping woman he tripped, resulting in the unsolicited penetration.

“I’m fragile,” he pleaded. “I fell down...”

The Captain refers you back to the "fragile" 46-year-old in the photo above.

The jury took all of 30 minutes to deliberate and acquitted him of the rape charge.


It seems it’s that time of year for my annual Public Service Announcement.

Here’s the story I’d rather read, found this morning on Facebook [although, considering the source, this one is most likely a fabrication]…

The Captain wishes you all a safe and happy holiday season!

Sunday, December 13, 2015

The Truth

The Captain is not an asshole.

This may surprise some people. Others may want to argue it.

All I ask for is the Truth.

I’m not talking about philosophical Truth.

"What is truth? It's such a changing law. What is truth? Are mine the same as yours?" 
Sorry. A momentary flashback.
Specifically, when you are posting or sharing something on Facebook, please, Please, PLEASE!... check first to see if it’s true.

It takes like… two seconds… to Google something these days.

This morning as I was surfing Facebook, I came across a post shared by a friend. It lamented the fact that the news today is full of murders and all kinds of other bad stuff (which is true), but no one has mentioned the death of a Medal of Honor recipient who passed away.

Indeed, the Medal of Honor recipient had a very compelling story of heroics in military conflict. His death – along with his life – should have been noted.

Unfortunately, when I checked it out, it turns out the Medal of Honor recipient died in 2008.

Maybe that’s why we haven’t heard anything about it recently…?

And then there was this one posted this evening:

I don't even know what to say about it.

Another item I came across from a different friend was a story written by a gentleman who claimed to be on a commercial airplane that served as a “dry run” for a terrorist attack. It was boarded by 11 Muslim passengers who were acting strangely, being generally disruptive, and disturbing the flight crew – to the point that the pilots disembarked and the writer of the story grabbed a stewardess and physically carried her off the plane… “for her own safety”.

Again, a Google search quickly revealed there is not corroborating evidence to support these claims.

Captain’s Note: The writer led off with a note saying all these events were covered up by the national media - which would explain why no one else has heard this - but he assures us he is reporting the truth.

The Truth is, the person supposedly writing the story was not even on the plane! At the time this incident allegedly happened, he was on another flight that would have arrived at the airport 40 minutes later.

And as it turns out, this story has been circling the internet since 2009.

In the first case, it doesn’t surprise your Captain that people have been uncritically passing along this story for the last seven years. We are tired of hearing the “bad news” and – especially if you are patriotically inclined – we want to lift up a story of a modern day hero.

But did no one check along the way to see if this was current events?

Now for all we know, the war hero could have been given a ticker-tape parade when he died. He could have been entombed in a gold casket. The President of the United States may have given his eulogy.

None of that happened, but it is quite possible that he was duly honored back in 2008. Why didn’t anyone check before passing along this post?

As for the second example, words simply escape me. Perhaps too much wine?

And finally, the third example. It truly pains your Captain to think that some poor misguided imbecile intentionally sat down and wrote a fabricated story about potential terrorists, unfairly casting Muslims as the villains and himself as the hero.

What’s the matter? Is your life too boring? You can only fantasize about being a hero?

Have you considered enlisting in the military?

Again, the Captain is not trying to be an asshole about this. I just want the Truth. Is that too much to ask?

Yet so much of what I read on Facebook is not true. So much of what I see on television these days is not the truth. So much of what I hear in the current political campaigns is simply not the truth.

Truth may be unpopular. In many cases Truth is boring.

But Truth is what it is. It doesn’t need your help. It doesn’t need to be embellished.

So please, check out the story before you pass it along.

Just tell me the truth. Always.

I might not like it.

[Thanks. I already know I have a growing bald spot!]

But if you tell me the truth, I won’t be left guessing what other lies you might be telling me.

Thursday, December 10, 2015

It's Getting Real

[Captain’s Note: I spent the morning working on a blog, but as it grew toward the fifth page, I figured my readers would not stay with me that long. So I am starting over… a hopefully shorter, kinder, blog.]

The Captain so wants to move away from political posts and get back to more fun stuff like sailing the high seas, pillaging & plundering, drinking rum and chasing wenches! But right now my brain is just befuddled with American politics and how we have sunk so low so fast.

You know what’s been in the news this week.

Republican candidate Donald Trump announced he would ban all Muslims from entering the United States “until our country’s representatives can figure out what’s going on” [with regard to terrorism].

Many across the political spectrum jumped on him for blaming the 1.57 billion Muslims in the world for something only a relative handful of extremists are doing. And his proposal flies in the face of everything America used to believe in.

But sadly, some people agree with Trump. Ann Coulter, the blonde-haired, pasty-white female version of Donald Trump, tweeted that he didn’t go far enough; she would ban all immigrants. Period.

Then there’s Nevada Assemblywoman Michele Fiore, who recently released her family Christmas card:

Because nothing celebrates the birth of our Savior like a portrait of your family locked-and-loaded.

Yes, that is her 5-year-old grandson in front brandishing his Walther P22.

But that’s not the worst of it. Fiore, an outspoken 2nd Amendment advocate, was recently asked about the resettlement of Syrian refugees and this was her response: “The Syran Refugees. I'm like, What – are you kidding me? I’m about to fly to Paris and shoot ‘em in the head myself! I am not OK with Syrian refugees. I’m not OK with terrorists. I’m OK with putting them down, blacking them out, just put a piece of brass in their ocular cavity and end their miserable life. I’m good with that.”

And Jerry Falwell Jr., the heir to the throne of his father, who was a Baptist preacher, the driving force behind the 80’s “Moral Majority” movement, and the founder of Liberty University, announced to the Liberty U. student body this week that they should get concealed carry permits and come to class armed, ready to “get those Muslims!”

Because, y’know, “a good guy with a gun…” and all that.

(Found on Facebook)
And the student body responded with wild applause!

Dr. Falwell, can you say “liability”? I know your lawyers can…

A more likely scenario...
Republican Party leadership have denounced most of Trump’s proclamations. The other Republican candidates have also denounced Trump’s comments.

“race-baiting, xenophobic bigot”
“soiling the robe of conservatism”
“Tell Donald Trump to go to hell!”

Captain’s Note: That last one was from Senator Lindsey Graham (R-SC)! [*Snark!*]

Yet, they all say they would still vote for him should he [somehow] become the Party’s candidate for President!

He has offended Mexicans, Jews, Muslims, and even FOX News!

Do you know how hard it is for a Conservative candidate to offend FOX News???

Do you really want this man leading our nation?

Yet somehow, as his quota of idiotic statements increases, so do his poll numbers!

No matter how vile and reprehensible Trump becomes, the Republican leadership knows they are stuck between a rock and a hard place. They know that if Trump leaves the Party and launches an independent campaign, he’ll take his 35% of Republican supporter with him, which will effectively hand the 2016 election to the Democrat Party’s nominee.

This is why the rum’s always gone!

But let’s set all that aside for right now. I want you to think for a moment about our country, these United States of America.

The Captain is not an overly sentimental guy, but it wasn’t so long ago that we very proud to be Americans.

We were the envy of the world. “The land of the free and the home of the brave.”

We were proudly a melting pot of immigrants from around the globe - “Send me your poor, your tired, your huddled masses yearning to be free…” – all united by a deep yearning to live “the American Dream”.

We became leaders in industry and innovation. The generation who fought in World War II came home and built a great nation, leaving a better country and better world for their children.

We joined forces with nations around the world and vanquished common foes. We established treaties and worked to build institutions of peace wherein nations could come together to discuss our concerns, making unnecessary the bloodshed and violence of our past.

We cared for the poor and downtrodden – not only in our own nation but through humanitarian aid to foreign countries.

I’ve witnessed grown men stand and shed tears whenever Lee Greenwood’s patriotic anthem was played:

From the lakes of Minnesota, to the hills of Tennessee.
Across the plains of Texas, From sea to shining sea.
From Detroit down to Houston, and New York to L.A.
Well there's pride in every American heart,
and it’s time we stand and say…

That I’m proud to be an American,
where at least I know I’m free.
And I won’t forget the men who died,
who gave that right to me.
And I gladly stand up, next to you and defend her still today.
‘ Cause there ain’t no doubt I love this land,
God bless the USA.

But something has happened.

Perhaps several things.

And now Americans are angry.

And scared.

And armed.

We now spout hatred and incite violence; we oppose our own government, even to the point of treason; we have become so politically polarized that one side will intentionally undermine the efforts of the other without even considering their mutual concerns; we care little about the poor and downtrodden, focused only on our own wants and desires; we’ve squandered almost everything that our forefathers by the sweat of their brows left to us; we’ve thrown out our moral compass and will say or do whatever it takes to get what we want.

And instead of painting for us a picture of what a great nation America could once again be – and how we can get to that point again by working together – our political candidates are successfully pandering to the anger and fears of an undiscerning electorate.

Don't you realize THE WHOLE WORLD is listening in? ...seeing what America has become...

Oh sure, Trump says he wants to make America great again. But the America he talks about is not the one I grew up in, not one I want to live in.

In less than a year we will go to the polls and cast our vote for the future of our nation… perhaps the future of the world… even the future of the planet! 

This shit is getting real…