Lord Help Us!

The Captain grew up during the heyday of the American Family Association.

This organization of ultra-right wing Christians regularly condemned rated television shows based on language, sex, violence and "Christian values".

"Touched By An Angel" was always a winner in their eyes.

Because... Jesus...

 The ratings were laughable at best, especially after I had the privilege of meeting on of the AFA members who submitted the ratings.

She was a sweet, little grandmotherly-type with the pointy-framed glasses.

Dana Carvey was not far off with his impersonations...

But there are some television shows the Captain simply WILL. NOT. WATCH!

“Dancing with the Stars” is one of them.

While the premise might seem interesting – pairing a professional dancer with someone who was in the news of recent in a low-stakes dance competition – the execution usually is not.

Captain’s Note: I did pay attention (although did not watch) in 2008 when one of my favorite Pro Beach Volleyball players, Misty May-Treanor, was featured.

Fortunately, she ruptured her Achilles Tendon during a rehearsal and had to drop out.

I say “fortunately” because it saved her from having to wear the over-the-top makeup that they slathered on her face!

So this season’s dancers includes Sean Spicer.

Spicer was once a respected journalist.

Then he became Press Secretary for President Trumpf.

This must have been a terrifying experience for Spicer, being the paid liar for the Liar-In-Chief.

The press briefings were actually painful to watch.

Probably nobody was more relieved than Spicer when Trumpf fired him.

But last night…

By all reports, the judges were being nice in their scoring.

But he still placed last.

Even with a beautiful, half-naked professional dancing with him.

Yes, I believe those ARE pineapples...

The international symbol for "Hospitality", if I recall...

But a bad score didn’t deter Spicer.

He bragged that the President of the United States – yes, the one that fired him – sent him a congratulatory note.

But what does the Trumpf know about dancing?

And here’s the worst of all – Spicer appealed to the Evangelical Christian community to vote for him.

Because, again… Jesus…

Yes, this is where we are today. If one cannot succeed on one’s own merits, you play the “Jesus Card”.

Like the people who put a little cross on their business cards or advertise in the “Christian Business Directory”.

Perhaps they should be reminded of the famous quote from Martin Luther,

Of course, as bad a dancer as Spicer is, surely his appearance on DWTS is somehow bringing glory to God, so go out and stuff the ballot boxes just so Spicer Jesus will win.

Lord help us!

Fairy Tales and Such

It was a children’s book.

Your Captain grew up reading it.

Over and over again.

Absorbing not only the story line but also the message.

Perhaps that is why the Captain often gets in trouble for “being too honest”.

The book is “The Emperor’s New Clothes”, a story from a collection of children’s tales penned by Hans Christian Andersen.

 

No, that’s Danny Kaye portraying Andersen.

But here’s the story line: a vain emperor is duped by two con artists posing as tailors. They claim they will create a most fine suit of clothes for the emperor, of a special cloth that cannot be seen by those who are unfit for their position or by those who are “hopelessly stupid”.

Okay, let’s stop there for a moment.

The emperor agrees to the purchase of a suit of clothes that, by his own reckoning, most people won’t be able to see!

The Captain will pause here to let that thought sink in.

But the emperor has surrounded himself with sycophants who pretend to see the clothes (for fear of being considered incompetent), and the townspeople (for whatever reason) also play along and flatter the emperor.

A parade is organized and everyone is atwitter as the emperor struts through town – butt naked! – until finally a boy-child in the crowd cries out, “He’s not wearing any clothes!”

Mates, you’ve been traveling with the Captain long enough to know where this is going, don’t ya?

Last week, the President of the United States made a gaff.

It was relatively simple.

In fact, the Captain had also suggested a similar possibility as Hurricane Dorian approached Florida: if the hurricane followed a straight path across the state, it could re-develop and strengthen in the Gulf of Mexico and wreak more damage to one or more of our Gulf states.

It seemed plausible.

Not that I am a meteorologist or anything.

"Dammit, Jim! I'm a pirate, not a doctor!"

The President said that Alabama was in the official predicted path of Hurricane Dorian, when, in fact, it was not.

It never was.

After making that statement,scientists at NOAA responded with a correction: Alabama is not in the path of the storm.

It never was.

Now, your humble Captain would have said, “Okay. Good for Alabama.”

But for some odd reason, the President doubled down on his statement. Instead of saying, “Oops! My bad!”, he continued to insist that he was right.

He even took a Sharpie and drew a new loop on the NOAA prediction map so that it would include Alabama!

I shit you not! 

Captain’s Note: Tampering with an official storm prediction map, by the way, is illegal.

People began mocking him.

And the more people mocked with him, the deeper he dug in, until finally…

Finally…

An unknown person released a statement on NOAA letterhead that said, yes, Alabama was mentioned in the original prediction.

Wait! What?!?

Heads exploded as former NOAA administrators read this retraction.

More charts were brought out, obviously enhanced to show the President was correct.

FOX News even backed up the President… without evidence, of course.

In the process, as he has done with the CIA, the FBI, and so many other agencies of our government, the President undermined the public confidence in our national weather service!

But there’s more!

As what should have been a non-story unfolded, a memo that was circulated at NOAA turned up, one instructing the employees to not contradict the President.

WTF!?!

As if that wasn’t bad enough, a couple days later it was revealed that Secretary of Commerce Wilbur Ross had sent a threatening message to the heads at NOAA warning that they will all be fired if they contradict the President.

So now one can only assume that if Trumpf says it’s raining – even though you see the Sun shining – you better damned well be carrying an umbrella! 

Captain's Note: I just read a news report from Monday, wherein the Trumpf was headed to a campaign rally in North Carolina and lamented, "So we have now people standing in line trying to get into the arena and I will tell you that they are soaking wet."

But it wasn't raining in Fayetteville...

I can't make up shit this good!

But Trumpf can do this because no one – NO ONE! – in Washington D.C. apparently has the balls to call him on his bullshit!

NO ONE!

That Wall that Trumpf was going to build – the one that Mexico was going to pay for – has not been built, but he is illegally moving money from other budgeted areas to pay for it.

And he has promised to pardon anyone for breaking the law to get the wall built before next year’s elections.

And NO ONE calls him out on this!

Trumpf insists he struck a non-proliferation deal with North Korea, even while they continue to test missiles.

And NO ONE calls him out on this!

He announced he was planning a secret meeting at Camp David with leaders of the Taliban – to negotiate an end to the war in Afghanistan – during the week leading up to 9-11.

Then he supposedly canceled the meeting because the Taliban claimed responsibility for an attack that killed 12 people, including a U.S. soldier.

And NO ONE calls him out on this!

WE DON'T NEGOTIATE WITH TERRORISTS!!!

The Captain is beginning to wonder if we have a Congress anymore… a Justice Department… any of the normal constitutional oversights that are put in place to reign in mad despots…

It is only after they have left Washington that any have dared whisper, “The emperor has no clothes!”

But by then they have been thoroughly discredited and the minions surrounding the most powerful office in the world continue to fawn on the President, complementing him on what a wonderful leader he is… how smart he is…

“My, how large your hands are, Mr. President!”

 

No one wants to admit that they see Trumpf naked! 

Captain's Note: Well, when you put it that way...

House Majority Leader Nancy Pelosi (D) still refuses to hold impeachment hearings.

Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnell (R) has abdicated leadership.

The Justice Department is in Trumpf’s pocket.

And elections are still a year off.

Lord help us!