Update Update!

I know! I know!

It has been almost a month since the Captain’s last post here.

Well, yer Captain has been busy with “Life”, and July just passed me by.

But for those poor misguided fools who count on Banana Winds for news and information, here’s a small taste of what you missed:

-The Epstein Files were a big campaign issue for Trumpf and the MAGAts. They all hoped the files would contain a Client List that would name Democrats who traveled to Epstein’s private island to diddle little girls. Trumpf promised to release the files if elected. When asked about it recently, Attorney General Bondi said the Epstein File was on her desk and would be released soon. But apparently someone discovered the names of prominent Republicans populated the list – possibly even the President!

And suddenly the files no longer exist! The outcry from both Democrats and MAGAts became deafening, causing the House Majority Leader to recess a day early in hopes we will all forget about the Epstein Files by the time they return a month later. And since there are no files, Ghislaine Maxwell would like to be released from her 20-year sentence for procuring young girls to service Epstein and his clients. Maxwell is likely being coached by White House handlers, but she wants immunity to tell her story - which won't happen, Nonetheless, this last week she was moved to a minimum security prison. In the meantime, Trumpf has been making outrageous claims in an attempt to deflect to other issues. This time it is not working.

-Upon taking office, Trumpf took control of the Board of the John F. Kennedy Center for the Performing Arts. He plans to redecorate to his taste. (See Oval Office pics below.) Now his sycophants want to rename the Center after Trumpf and the related Opera House after the First Lady – not that either have contributed significantly to the arts (unless you count Melania’s modeling career). 

This proposed name change may or may not be legal, but then, when has that ever stopped Trumpf?

-Trumpf has also signed Executive Orders making him the head of task forces concerning the 2026 World Cup and the 2028 Olympics. 

This should add an interesting twist to these fabled contests as just last month the State Department denied the necessary visas for the Venezuelan team to enter the U.S. for the Little League World Series. The Captain can foresee very successful sporting events as the President refuses to let in teams that might beat the U.S.

-Trumpf blatantly asked several states to do a mid-decade gerrymander to give him five more Republican seats in the House. Texas was the first to suck up to him, so Texas Democrats fled the state to break quorum and prevent the bill from being voted on. The Texas Governor has made all kinds of threats against the Dems, even issuing arrest warrants (which are no good outside of Texas). The Dems tactic here is similar to the House Majority Leader taking a recess a day early to avoid having to call a vote on the Epstein Files. (Have I mentioned Epstein already?)

-Trumpf has added his gaudy touch to the Oval Office (see photo below), and just recently completed the paving over of the lawn in the Rose Garden. His next plan is to tear off the East Wing of the White House and build a 90,000 square feet ballroom. And no one is lifting a hand to stop him.

 -The Department of Defense announced it would stop sharing weather satellite information with NOAA and storm trackers and such, just as we enter hurricane season. And since funding for FEMA has been cut, folks in hurricane-prone areas better take shelter NOW!

-The White House has also ordered the termination of two NASA satellites that have been tracking climate change, collecting data on human-generated carbon dioxide, information which is also used by oil and gas companies and farmers. That program only costs NASA $15 million per year, but the order that came down is not just to shut down the program but to destroy the satellites as well. Apparently someone doesn’t want facts to interfere with his agenda.

-Oklahoma State School Superintendent Ryan Walter was caught by two school board members with porn on his TV. He denies it was his, going so far as to claim the Governor put the board members up to discredit him. Walter, as you may remember, this is the guy who ordered Bible-reading and mandatory prayers for Oklahoma schools – with Bible requirements so tightly written that only The Trumpf Bible would fit the order.

-After a shady deal between Trumpf and CBS, CBS then announced the end of “The Late Show with Stephen Colbert”, a major Trumpf critic who also openly criticized the CBS deal. The President’s relationship with Epstein has been a frequent target of the late-night comedian. CBS claims it was a financial decision – likely necessary to cover the network’s multi-million dollar bribe to the President.

-This past week the Bureau of Labor and Statistics released the latest jobs report. It was lower than Trumpf expected. To make matters worse, the BLS down-graded two previous months. So Trumpf fired the messenger, Erika McEntarfer. He will replace her with someone who will report numbers (real or imagined) more to his liking. 

-Over the weekend Transportation Secretary Sean Duff announced his plan to build a nuclear reactor on the Moon. No, I don’t know why. And, while technology has possibly changed since Three Mile Island, the Captain wonders, doesn’t a nuclear reactor need water? Lots of water? Is he going to make a 240,000 mile hose to siphon water from the Pacific Ocean?

But here’s the story that actually caught my attention today and inspired me to write. Blaise Ingoglia, Florida’s chief financial officer, has been doing D.O.G.E-type work in Florida. But he wants to change the name of the agency to  “Florida Agency for Fiscal Oversight”. 

For those who like acronyms, that would be “FAFO”. 

CAPTAIN'S NOTE: In more contemporary usage, that stands for "F*ck Around and Find Out"! 

And that’s pretty much where we are today, mates.

Oh, did I mention the Epstein Client List yet? 

I did? Oh, ok.

Have a great week!

 

Nothing To See Here

They say a picture is worth a thousand words. Here's 15,000 words for you. Enjoy!

CAPTAIN'S NOTE: We're breaking our rule today about showing the faces of felons. We apologize for this inconsistency.

 

 

  

 

 

TODAY'S BONUS MEME:

 

 

 

Can You Hear Me Now?

Mates, it be Friday morning and yer Captain has much better things to do than spend time writing a blog.

But this is important, so Sunday's sermon can wait!

Last weekend the President ordered "bunker-busting" bombs dropped on Iranian nuclear sites. 

He had talked about it for so long that Iran had time to move its nuclear materials to other facilities.

Bright and early the next morning Trump declared the sites were "totally obliterated!" 

Iran's nuclear production was crippled for years to come.

U.S. intelligence disagreed. The international atomic energy people disagreed. Iran disagreed.

At best, the bombing set Iran back by about four months.

The President had a nuclear meltdown of his own, insisting U.S. intelligence was wrong. Everybody is wrong but him! 

And in a bizarre twist, the administration is claiming critics are attacking the pilots of the B-2 bombers that delivered the payload.

"Shame on you!" says the draft-dodger who calls wounded and captured soldiers "Suckers and losers", who turns trips to Arlington National Cemetery into self-serving photo-ops, who has initiated significant cuts to the VA's budget, and who has ordered the VA to stop treating veterans who are Democrats. 

After last weekend, Iran has even more reason to develop a nuclear weapon, as a deterrent to U.S. aggression, and Russia is cozying up to help. 

As best anyone can tell, this was all staged as a distraction while Senate Republicans worked to for the President's Big Bullshit Bill through their side of the Capitol.

It's not going down easy. 

But that's not what the Captain needs to write about today. 

You may recall from earlier this month, the Trumpf family held a press conference to announce the creation and release of the first Trump cellphone and mobile phone service.

It is obviously being marketed to the MAGAt minions who ponied up their hard-earned Social Security checks to buy the Trump watch and the Trump Bible and the Trump tennis shoes and the Trump bitcoins and the...ad infinitum, ad nauseam...

In the initial announcement the phone was promised to be a T1 Phone 8002 "gold version" running on an Android platform. It was to have 12 GB RAM and a 6.78" AMOLED screen. 

It would be emblazoned with an American flag and the Trump name, which just cries out for every sucker patriot in America to have to buy one!

And best of all, it would be made in the good ol' U.S. of A!

...unlike most every other product that bears the Trump name.

Critics, smelling a rat - or just the ever-present stench of a Trumpf grift - immediately pointed out that no cellphones are manufactured in the U.S. - ZERO! - and that it would take 2-3 years to build factories and go into production.

This is the same problem the President faces with all of his tariffs, which are supposed to be used to bring manufacturing back to the U.S. by artificially raising prices of imports.

CAPTAIN'S NOTE: Unfortunately, Trumpf is using tariffs to punish countries who have offended him or with which he disagrees. And he still pretends that tariffs are paid by the exporting company, not the U.S. consumer. 

But you can't just pick up a manufacturing plant, move it to the U.S., and immediately start production.

Take, for example, Blue Oval City in Stanton, TN, a joint project by Ford Motor Company and SK Innovation to build electric pick up trucks. The $5.6 billion project was announced in 2021 - which means it was on the drawing board for many years prior. Four years later, it still hasn't produced the first vehicle. 

Anyway, as expected, the MAGAt faithful lined up to order their Trump phones - $499 with $100 down - to be delivered sometime in September. 

Yesterday it was reported there have been changes made to the Trump Phone website.

Pretty significant changes!

First, the website no longer claims the phones are made in the USA.

It now uses phrases like "Proudly American", "touched by American hands", and "designed with American values in mind".

Next it was noted that the promised RAM has been scrubbed.

And the screen size has been reduced by more than a 1/2 inch.

And the delivery date has been changed to sometime "this Fall"!

And do I need to say the "gold" case is not real gold?

I don't need to say that, do I?

I do?

Well, shit. 

CAPTAIN'S NOTE: Yes, the Captain is aware that P.T. Barnum did not originate this quote. I am not one of those aforementioned suckers.

Mates, yer Captain can't tell you what to do with your money.

But $499 would buy a lot of Rum!

Even good Rum!

And in these unpredictable days ahead, you might need it.

The Rum, I mean. 

Frankly, you would be wise to save what money you can for when this maladministration does take away your Social Security and Medicare.

What is it? What's that you say? He won't take your Social Security check? He won't take your Medicare?

Just wait.

And remember, the Captain warned you. 

 

That's All I'm Going to Say Right Now

 

What's On The Captain's Mind Today

Some of you may recall that the dictator-wannabe in Washington D.C. threw himself a military parade for his birthday which is going to cost us - yes, "We, the people" - around $45 million.

Even for him, that's one helluva party!

This is the party he wanted:

So let's check in and see how it went. 

CAPTAIN'S NOTE: Many of the pics below were captured from a YouTube video labeled "Insane Moments from the U.S. Army's Birthday Parade". 

Insane! 

 

This is the Reviewing Stand, somewhat reminiscent of a Texaco Gas Station.

The President, and other dignitaries (i.e. Cabinet members who were required to attend), sat behind bullet-proof glass.

The Captain wonders why that was necessary... 

Tanks moved slowly in single-file - how else were they going to make this abomination last two hours?!?

And note the "crowds" of people lining the streets!

"Official" White House count was 250,000.

Maybe that was in another block... 

Wait! Here's something insane! 

Robo-Dogs outfitted with Army flags! And pudgy handlers in their "Casual Friday" uniforms.

The Captain told you long ago these cuddly mechanical dogs that danced and did amazing tricks were actually being designed for military use. 

Who knew it would be "flagbearers"? 

And here is the Marching Band.

At least I think it is. 

Honestly, I have no idea what's going on in that photo.  

I thought these next two guys were going to start throwing candy or beads of something... 

Meanwhile, in a living room somewhere far, far away... 

And perhaps the President could hear them laughing at him.

Nonetheless, he put on his best Dictator look and stood to salute (someone).  

CAPTAIN'S NOTE: Let me just pause here for a moment and ask WTF! is wrong with this man!?!

A poorly-fitting blue suit and a red tie that hangs way to low!

No! The Captain read "Dress for Success" many years ago! 

But I digress...

The truly INSANE moment came when troops lined up in front of the Viewing Stand and recited their Oath of Enlistment:

I, "state your name", do solemnly swear that I will support and defend the Constitution of the United States against all enemies, foreign and domestic; that I will bear true faith and allegiance to the same; and that I will obey the orders of the President of the United States and the orders of the officers appointed over me, according to regulations and the Uniform Code of Military Justice. So help me God.

Maybe that's why he needed the bulletproof glass...

So "INSANE"! 

*YAWN!*

Y'know, this old Captain is thinking what this parade needed was a little "Razzle Dazzle"!

"Boom Shakalaka!"

Seriously, couldn't they have invited Bill Murray?

The hard cold truth is, the American Military is not designed for fancy parades. It's designed to fight, not strut around like peacocks at the whim of a Despot. 

Meanwhile, across America and around the world, literally millions of people took to the streets in "No Kings" rallies, protesting the parade and the Dictator-wannabe.

Even as the White House lied about crowd-size for the Parade, they lied about the crowd-size for the protests, describing them as "miniscule" and "inconsequential"...

...if you think 20 million is "miniscule" and "inconsequential".

It is doubtful the President will ever hear the truth about the protests though. His ego is well-insulated by the lapdogs he has placed around him.

But all that said, that's not what's on the Captain's mind today. 

I found something far more disturbing over the weekend that I just need to get off me chest.

The Captain does a wee bit of online shopping. 

But I have found that it is difficult - nay, impossible - to determine the appropriate fit for clothing. 

I can't count how many times I have returned items that just were not the size expected.

I learned a couple years ago that an Xtra-Large Hawaiian shirt from China fits more like a Medium in the U.S. 

So I don't buy them from China.

Your basic size-chart from American companies often look something like this:

The Captain does not lie when I say an XL is appropriate, but I like my kit loose so I usually go with a 2-XL. 

CAPTAIN'S NOTE: As luck would have it, I bought a 2-XL Hawaiian Shirt from an American company and it fits like a 4-XL.

But over the weekend, I ran across the following size chart from an "international corporation", (aka China):

Damn! that's just cold!