After a long and joyfully busy Holy Week full of Easter remembrances and celebrations, the Captain needed a break. So as soon as Easter was in our wake, away we went to distant lands, to visit with family and experience new things.
Here’s the Joke of the Day:
Question: How can you tell when the Captain is on vacation?
Answer: You can’t!
Interpret that as you will.
Anyway, we’re back at the home port now, rested and ready to go.
I guess.
For peace of mind during my time away, I tried to avoid The Nightly News.
Unfortunately, it’s hard to avoid the Felon-in-Chief’s photo on Facebook.
And let me just say here, whether ya love him or hate him, you’re still posting his photo! He eats that stuff up!
Mates, you’re feeding the beast! Y’all really need to back off on that shit!
In fact, the Captain once proposed an official day with no references to the President: no news stories, no photos on social media – a day of blissful silence.
It would blow his freaking mind!
But after a brief review of the week, here is (apparently) what I have missed:
-Kilmar Abrego Garcia is still in prison in El Salvador. The President has washed his hands of responsibility and is in open defiance of the U.S. Supreme Court. Even worse, they're doubling down, using a doctored photograph trying to convince the public that he is a member of the murderous gang MS-13 and deserves to be imprisoned.
"Due process" has become the latest rallying cry.
-Pope Francis died shortly before I left for vacation. As the world mourned, the President announced he was “really looking forward” to attending the funeral. Of course, they accommodated his ego by seating him on the front row (by protocol he should have been on the third row), and although everyone was asked to wear a black suit, he wore blue. And then this happened:
Now, one could argue that it was a long, arduous flight to Italy. One could argue that the funeral for the Vicar of Christ would be appropriately long and solemn. Younger men could have succumbed to the Sandman as well.
Or not.
But wait, that’s not all! Yesterday a quote from Senator Lindsay Graham (verified) circulated the internet:
"I was excited to hear that President Trump is open to the idea of being the next Pope. This would truly be a dark horse candidate, but I would ask the papal conclave and Catholic faithful to keep an open mind about this possibility! The first Pope-U.S. President combination has many upsides.Watching for white smoke. Trump MMXXVIII!"
I know this is just more boot-licking BS from Graham, but there is one sticky issue: Trumpf is not Catholic.
But don’t let that stop the mob-boss President. The Captain suspects he will now threaten U.S. Catholics with removal of their tax exemption if he is not elected at the upcoming Conclave.
CAPTAIN’S NOTE: Even with all his power and money, Michael Corleone never tried to be elected Pope! And he was Catholic! He tried to make the family business legit – in the process becoming one of the richest men in the world – but ultimately he failed. No, Michael knew he was a deeply flawed individual for which he sought absolution. In his old age he suffered physically and mentally for a lifetime of evil, dying lonely and alone at Don Tommasino's villa in Sicily.
But I digress…
-In other news, the federal government continues to dismantle safeguards and oversight. Instead of saving us money, DOGE is costing us $350 billion this year. Government spending for the first quarter is actually higher than last year.
Over at Health and Human Services, Robert Kennedy Jr. has dismantled “insignificant” sectors of his department. There will be no tracking of epidemics, no warnings of food contamination. Cuts have included cancer research, food inspections, and – as promised – vaccines.
CAPTAIN’S NOTE: Measles are spreading unchecked across Texas and into other states now. There are 884 reported cases, with three reported deaths. No big deal, you say? There are 340 million people in the U.S., you say? Such a small percentage, you say? Perhaps. But measles is almost totally preventable with a simple and safe vaccine.
In the place of these other programs, he has launched an “all-out study” to find the cure for Autism – he’s giving them 90 days!
But Autism is not a disease.
Nonetheless, as Jim Wright noted, JFK Jr’s study team is busy clicking on all those internet banners that say, “Find out what doctors won’t tell you…”
-Don Jr. has announced the opening of a club in D.C. called “Executive Branch”. Bankrolled by someone else (naturally), it’s an invitation-only club; membership costs a ½ million dollars. He envisions it as a place where billionaires can rub shoulders with lawmakers.
For those who haven’t done so yet, the Captain recommends everyone read a biography on the life and tenure of President William McKinley. This will all make sense after that.
-So far this week, the Gestapo ICE has deported three
children (American citizens no less!) as young as a 2-years-old – one of which
was receiving cancer treatments.
They also broke down the door of a woman in Oklahoma – right door, wrong person! Nonetheless, they made her and her daughters stand out in the rain while they destroyed her apartment. And even though they knew they were in the wrong place, they took her cellphone, laptop, and $3,000 cash!
They also arrested a sitting judge whom they claimed was aiding and abetting an immigrant they were after – although said immigrant was identified and accompanied down an elevator at the courthouse by the very authorities who were looking for him. Somehow it’s the judge’s fault he got away! But the point was made: this administration is willing to arrest anybody. For anything.
-The President is moving to suppress everything and everyone who does not kiss his shiny orange ass! He’s putting pressure on CBS for the news show “60 Minutes” which is reporting things he doesn’t like, and he’s crying about his favorite FOX News because his “favorability” numbers are historically low and even FOX can’t spin up a good angle on it!
-In other Cabinet news, Homeland Security Director Kristi Noem had her purse stolen while dining in a restaurant, surrounded by a security detail no less! Although security video showed the thief to be a white male, Noem rounded up “the usual suspects” and has declared the thief to be an immigrant here in the U.S. illegally. How convenient. DoD director Pete Hegseth has fired several top officials due to alleged “leaks”, while trying to make the public forget about Signalgate! And FBI director Kash Patel is employing “lie detectors” now to weed out disloyal agents.
CAPTAIN’S NOTE: Has the Captain mentioned how paranoia goes hand-in-hand with fascism?
-Due to Trumpf’s on-again, off-again tariffs, the U.S. economy is about to grind to a halt – predictably even worse than during his first term during the COVID-19 pandemic. There is reportedly only one international container ship docked at San Francisco and one on the east coast, and there are no container ships currently headed toward the U.S. Stores will soon run out of merchandise and Christmas is looking pretty bleak! Gross Domestic Product (GDP) is down .3%, which the President blames on Joe Biden.
CAPTAIN’S NOTE: The GDP during the 4th quarter of 2024 (while Biden was president) was up 2.4%.
Yesterday Amazon announced it would add a note to show how much of your purchase price is due to tariffs. The nation applauded! But the White House had a fit, the President called Jeff Bezos, and the spineless Amazon boss immediately recanted.
Not to be outdone, the invertebrate CEO of Walmart said in an unsolicited statement that they would not post the costs of tariffs either!
Teemu, on the other hand, is a Chinese company subsidized by China to flood the U.S. markets with cheap goods. It announced it would be adding a 145% “import charge” to offset the cost of tariffs. A $10 t-shirt could end up costing you $25!
And then there is the ripple effect: if no ships are bringing in merchandise, the dock workers, truckers, retailers, delivery services, etc. will have no work. UPS has already announced the layoffs of 9,000 employees in anticipation of a drought.
And yet the President boasts that he has struck new trade deals with 200 countries already!
“Hey Siri? How many countries are there in the world?”
“There are generally considered to be 195 countries in the world. This figure includes 193 United Nations member states and two non-member observer states, the Holy See (Vatican City) and the State of Palestine.”
-Okay, so maybe he embellished that number? But he’s got the price of eggs and gasoline under control, right?
Trump said April 22: "I see that we had a couple of states where gasoline was at $1.98 a gallon. Nobody thought they'd see that for years maybe."
Trump said on April 24: "So we just had a big Easter egg hunt at the White House, thousands and thousands of eggs, and the price was down 87% so we did a great job."
CAPTAIN’S NOTE: The Captain just drove from Kentucky to Texas and back. The price of gasoline was consistently $2.79 per gallon. Nationwide, no one is reporting gasoline under $2.
Likewise, the price of eggs remains unchanged, although the overall price of groceries has risen 2.4% from the previous year. And mates, do the freakin’ math! An 87% drop in the price of eggs would put them at 59 cents per dozen. Do you see eggs anywhere selling for 59 cents per dozen!?!
I don’t think so!
Sheesh!
-The Dow Jones Industrial Average is hovering around 40K, but the markets react wildly to everything the President says and does. Fortunately, the markets also help reign in what the President says and does, because at least he understands we’re all screwed if the stock markets tank!
-And finally- and worst of all, in this Captain’s opinion – the Rev. Dr. William Barber II was arrested for praying in the Capitol Rotunda.
CAPTAIN’S NOTE: You might recall the Rotunda played an important role during the January 6th riots.
Or “tourism”, depending on which side of reality you live on.
Two other pastors prayed with him, asking God for mercy and justice for the poor – literally Christian virtues. After about 15 minutes, Capitol Police showed up in force, chased away reporters and onlookers so there would be no evidence, and they arrested Dr. Barber.
For praying.
From Wikipedia:
William J. Barber II (born August 30, 1963) is an American Protestant minister, social activist, professor in the Practice of Public Theology and Public Policy and founding director of the Center for Public Theology & Public Policy at Yale Divinity School. He is the president and senior lecturer at Repairers of the Breach and co-chair of the Poor People's Campaign: A National Call for a Moral Revival. He also serves as a member of the national board of the National Association for the Advancement of Colored People (NAACP) and is the chair of its legislative political action committee. From 2006 to 2017, Barber served as president of the NAACP's North Carolina state chapter, the largest in the Southern United States and the second-largest in the United States. He pastored Greenleaf Christian Church (Disciples of Christ) in Goldsboro, North Carolina, from 1993 to 2023.
Now, there was no chanting. No Nazi or Confederate flags. No weapons, no bear spray, no flag poles wielded as weapons. No violence at all. No one shat on the floor.
They were praying.
This all happened at the same time the White House is touting a crackdown on “anti-Christian bias”, and the White House Faith Office chief Paula White is grifting American citizens for “God’s blessings” at $5,000 per pop!
They arrested a Christian preacher.
For praying.
In response, Pastor Mark Sandlin wrote:
Let’s be clear:
They’ve let prayer happen in that very Rotunda before.
They let politicians and pastors pray when it’s convenient.
They let prayer happen when it props up power.
They let prayer happen when it blesses the status quo.
But when a Black man prays for justice?
When a movement prays for the poor?
When Love shows up looking like disruption instead of domination?
Suddenly prayer is illegal.
This isn’t about “respecting the rules.”
It’s about who they believe prayer belongs to.
It’s about controlling faith, silencing the prophets, crucifying Love all over again because it dared to speak aloud in the halls of Empire.
Don’t let them gaslight you.
This isn’t about “order.”
It’s about protecting oppression at all costs.
Dr. Barber didn’t get arrested for praying.
He got arrested for praying the kind of prayer that scares the hell out of injustice.
And so the Captain is back from vacation, feeling refreshed and relaxed, full of hope and anticipation...
Piglet is the Captain’s new spirit animal.
