Hoodlums and Thugs

On Tuesday, the Memphis Zoo experienced “The Perfect Storm”.

Every Tuesday from 2-5 p.m., the zoo opens its gates, free to the public.

Mostly, it's senior citizens and mommies with their little darlings in tow.

Unbeknownst to Zoo officials, however, on this particular Tuesday, a storm was brewing. The frigid arctic air of Memphis winter had just given way to the warm, almost tropical breezes of Spring. The sun was shining and the temperature was in the low 70s.

In short, it was a beautiful day to visit the zoo.

At the same time, in an unfortunate twist of fate, the Memphis City School children were on Spring Break.

(Cue the scary music.)

The Memphis Zoo recorded attendance of more than 25,000 people – more than half of which showed up at 2 p.m. Long lines ensued and tempers flared. The tram service through the park had to be discontinued due to the randomly-moving mass of sweaty human bodies blocking the roadways. Fights broke out inside the zoo. Police were called in.

At around 5:30 p.m., while much of the crowd was still mingling around in the adjacent Overton Park, gun shots were heard… random firings in the air, quickly attributed to a group of young people even more quickly described as “hoodlums and thugs”.

Note to the out-of-town reader: Usually, in Memphis, these two terms are reserved for young black men in baggy jeans and “beaters”, wearing baseball caps turned sideways on their heads.

Sigh.

The alarmists and reactionaries in Midtown (white, upper-class) immediately began calling for an end to “Free Tuesday”; others asked for a greater police presence; some suggested even raising the Zoo admission price. (It already costs $15 adults, $10 children.)

Meanwhile, in another part of town, the directors of the Memphis Botanic Garden apparently worried about similar problems – crowds too large to handle, “hoodlums and thugs” scaring people and littering the lawn, etc.

Remember a few years back when the “7/11” convenience store chain had a problem with seedy-looking people loitering outside the stores? To solve the problem, they started pumping classical music out into the parking lot. The loiterers moved one.

So, taking a page from the “7/11” playbook, today the MBG announced the list of performers for its summer concert series, “Live at the Garden”: Diana Ross, Pat Benatar, REO Speedwagon, Al Green, Donna Summer, Blondie and Cheap Trick.

OMFG!

Pat Benatar is the youngest of the group, at age 57! Admittedly, I had a crush on her when I was in college – her video “You Better Run” was the second video to ever be shown on MTV. And 30 years ago, she was hot!

Actually, I had an even bigger crush on Martha Quinn, the MTV V-Jay. But that’s another story.

But seriously, Diana Ross? Donna Summer?

Yes, I used to like Cheap Trick… in the late 70s. And REO Speedwagon had one of my favorite videos on MTV – back when MTV showed music videos. But now these aging musicians do their same, tired old schtick on the fair and casino circuit.

Okay, I know what you are going to say: Jimmy Buffett is 63 years old and I just shelled out big bucks for tickets to see him in Nashville just a month from today. But there is a difference. Let me explain.

Like Eric Clapton (see blog from March 6, 2010), Jimmy Buffett has continued to grow and change to compliment his age. While his classics like “Cheeseburger in Paradise” and “Margaritaville” are still in high demand by his fans, Jimmy Buffett continues to write and produce new material. His role in Alan Jackson’s “5 O’Clock Somewhere” in 2003 took the duo to #1 on the Country Charts. His 2004 album “License to Chill” was all over the country charts. And he continues to tour and sell out stadiums around the world.

When was the last time Donna Summer had a hit? That would be her “Bad Girls” album in 1979!

In spite of all that, we will probably attend some of these concerts at the MBG. Last summer, we went there to see the “B-52s” – just to see if they “still had it”.

They don’t.

But we enjoyed a couple bottles of wine and a tray of hors d’oeuvres out under the stars on a warm Memphis night.

It doesn't get much better than that.

And I was probably the only “hoodlum” or “thug” anywhere in sight.