It has been a difficult start to the New Year for the
Captain. I wish I could "Time Warp" and start it over again.
It seems every time I turn on the news or open up Facebook,
someone else has died.
Wayne Rogers.
Natalie Cole.
David Bowie.
Alan Rickman.
Dan Haggerty.
And then, as I was doing some research for this post, I discovered that
actor Tim Curry had a stroke back in 2012 which has left him wheel-chair bound.
This photo was from June 2015 when he received a Lifetime
Achievement Award at the Tony Awards Ceremony.
What the hell have I been doing these past three years? How did I miss this?
It comes as a hard realization that one is growing old when
your childhood heroes begin dying off.
Rapidly.
In some cases too soon.
But this post is not about the deaths of my heroes. This post
is about a travesty that is about to take place related to another great
institution: “The Rocky Horror Picture Show”.
The Captain was introduced to RHPS in the early 80s. A group from
college drove to Memphis to catch a midnight showing. During seminary it was an
annual Halloween tradition to go see RHPS after the campus Halloween party. I’ve seen the movie numerous times since.
At one showing there were only three other people in the
auditorium – a Dad & Mom with their 9-year-old daughter who sat in the row
right behind me… in an empty theater!
Aaaarrrggghh! I hate that!
It was kinda fun listening to the child’s questions though…
But I digress…
It was announced in April of last year that Lou Adler (the
producer of the original RHPS) is teaming up with FOX to create a remake of the
1975 cult classic, scheduled to air on Halloween of this year.
The Captain sees two immediate problems.
1) No one will ever be able to remake RHPS. Nor should they! I realize it is
still performed on stages around the world with a wide variety of actors. But to remake RHPS would be like remaking the original "Star Wars" movie and renaming it "The Force Awakens".
As
the slogan goes, “Often imitated, never duplicated”.
2) Even in 2016 you can’t show RHPS on network television without some
serious editing, thus doing serious damage to the production. The script is
full of subtle (and not so subtle) inuendos, double-entendres, sexuality (of
many sorts), and partial nudity.
But what really twists the Captain’s sails is the casting
for this travesty.
The key to a great RHPS is having a great actor like Tim
Curry to portray Dr. Frank N. Furter, the “sweet
transvestite from transsexual Transylvania”.
‘One Million Moms” will have a collective stroke from that
line alone being sung on national television!
So who has been cast for this prize role? Laverne Cox of the
hit TV show “Orange Is the New Black”.
Wait. What? A woman?
Oh, wait. I see what they’ve done. You see, Laverne is a
transgender woman, so...
 |
| At least she looks good in a corset. |
Uhmmm… Okaaaaaaay…
No, I still don’t get it.
Moving right along, here’s the original Brad & Janet, made famous by Barry Bostwick and Susan Sarandon.
And here's the new Brad & Janet, Victoria
Justice (who?) and Ryan McCartan, one of Disney Channel's stars.
Here's the original Riff-Raff, brought to life by Richard O'Brien, one of the show's original screenwriters.
And the new Riff-Raff, Reeve Carney (from "Penny Dreadful").
Folks, the Captain is just not feelin’ it…
But today’s announcement is what triggered this post. The
role of Eddie, made famous by the inimitable Meatloaf...
...will be played by…
[drum-roll please]… American Idol star Adam Lambert.
Aw, hell, no!
As if this isn’t enough to make me choose to watch a rerun of “Friends”
instead of this ship wreck of a remake, here's one more factoid to keep you awake at night: the show will be pre-produced, directed and
choreographed by Kenny Ortega – who gave us “High School Musical”.
What channel will that “Friends” reunion be on?
