On Wednesday, the U.S. Alcohol and Tobacco Tax and Trade
Bureau (TTB) approved a new product called “Palcohol”.
Yes, that’s short for “powdered alcohol”.
Note: The Captain is not a chemist; he just plays one on
this blog.
Just add water and mix!
The Captain’s mouth is already watering!
Mark Phillips, the maker of the powder hails its
convenience. ‘Cause, y’know, after a long hike or kayaking or doin' some other manly
activity, a guy just wants to have a convenient way to enjoy a Cosmopolitan… or
a Lemon Drop… or a “Powderita”…
Okay, not so much.
While he is right that it is inconvenient to carry a bottle
of Tequila, Triple Sec, and limes while hiking, kayaking or doin' some other manly
activity, one would have to at least carry a bottle of clean water to mix this
stuff into. But if you’re carrying a bottle of water for your powdered drink at
the end of the trail, why not just pre-mix a real margarita and carry it
instead?
Phillips argues that some in the medical community are
hailing his new product as a breakthrough in getting much-needed alcohol for
sterilization purposes into remote areas of the world. Imagine how much of this
powdered alcohol you could backpack into the heart of deepest, darkest Africa…
Just add CLEAN water and mix!
[Captain's Note: More than 50% of the people of Africa do not have access to clean water.]
Most others in the medical community are shouting the
dangers of such a product.
Bad things will come should it fall into hands of minors,
they say.
As with all alcohol, mind you.
It will be easier to sneak into concerts and sporting events.
Um, yeah...
Some commenters are already asking if you can sniff it!
And what if you mix two (or more) packets into a single
glass of water…?
The TTB says what people do with Palcohol when they buy it
is not their problem. The TTB’s job is to just make sure the package is
properly labeled. And according to the TTB, when used according to the directions
on the label, the product is perfectly safe.
…as opposed to tobacco products, also part of their
portfolio, which, when used properly, will lead to various cancers and a slow,
painful death.
But I digress…
How potent is Palcohol? A similar product in the Netherlands
claims only 3% alcohol. A similar product in Germany boasts of a 4.8% alcohol
level.
For those uneducated about alcohol, a good bottle of wine
can exceed 15% alcohol, and a shot of whiskey normally runs 40-50% alcohol (straight).
A traditional Cosmopolitan can have as much as 27.3% alcohol by volume.
Even mouthwash can contain anywhere from 6-27% alcohol.
Of course, you shouldn’t drink that stuff!
So, the question then becomes, “Who’s going to drink THIS
stuff?”
Truth is, it would take way too much to even give you a buzz!
And what could it possibly taste like? The Captain has
sampled various “lite” beers, cocktails made from bottle mixes, and even “Skinny
Margaritas”.
Bleh, Bleh, and Bleh!
So can a powdered alcohol mix deliver any taste at all?
One person who has tried Palcohol compares it to “Tang”. You
remember Tang… “The Drink of Astronauts” that was forced on all of us kids back
in the 70s? It boasted 100% of your daily recommended vitamin C – just like
real orange juice!
A couple years ago, astronaut Buzz Aldrin finally admitted, “Tang
sucks!”
In an alternate reality, on one episode of “X-Files”, a despondent Fox Mulder bedded down in a seedy motel and mixed powdered Tang with
Vodka...
Did anyone else think Gillian Anderson was really hot?
Again, I digress…
Let me wrap this up with a word problem:
Palcohol is to a real Margarita
as
Tang is to real
orange juice…
Yeah, I don’t think so!
