Super Bowl #49 is now in the books!
Yes, I know I did that wrong. I don’t know why the SB people
insist on using Roman numerals when most of the fans don’t have a clue what “XLIX”
means.
Since neither the Saints nor the Buccaneers were in the
game, the Captain didn’t care so much about the outcome. For the sake of
argument… because people like to argue… even over things that don’t really
matter… I went with the Seahawks.
And I would have chosen correctly… if Pete Carroll hadn’t
called for a pass at the goal line in the waning seconds of the game!
As Matt Lauer said on the “Today Show” this morning, “Only
three things can happen when you throw the ball – and two of those are bad!”
Good Lord, did I just quote Matt Lauer?
The game was interesting – the score was close throughout – which
always keeps it exciting. Good, clean football played by both teams… until Pete
Carroll called for a pass at the goal line in the waning seconds of the game!
Ah, but I repeat myself.
But who calls for a pass when you’re four yards from the
goal line, you have four downs and one timeout in your pocket, and you have one
of the best running backs in the game?
Pete Carroll.
So, the New England Patriots will go to Disneyland, and now
all that’s left to talk about is 1) the half-time show, and 2) the commercials.
Katy Perry and crew did a remarkable job with a wide-eyed, high-energy,
“G-rated” performance at half-time. No lip-sync slips, no lewd gyrations
onstage, no costume malfunctions. Very creative. Very professional. And the fireworks above
the stadium looked great – at least on television… Don’t know what it looked like
from inside the stadium.
The Captain’s one disappointment came when dancers dressed
like palm trees, beach balls, and sharks came out on stage. I was hoping Jimmy
Buffett was going to make a surprise appearance! No such luck.
Sigh.
And the commercials? To be honest, the crowd I was with wasn’t
much interested in the commercials. And truth be told, most of the commercials
had already been released on the morning shows in advance of the game. Geico even dusted off its “Push It”
commercial that has been running regularly since last year!
WTF! This is the Super Bowl, people! C’mon!
So this morning the Captain turned to the internet to see what we had
missed.
Not much, it turns out. At $4 million per, we learned: there are some new video games out… there is a new toenail fungus medication... the Arnold is doing another “Terminator”
movie...
Can someone explain to me how a robot from the future ages
so badly?
My favorite commercial was called “The First Draft” by Avocados from Mexico, in which God is
overseeing the drafting of the different creatures by different countries at the Creation.
Jerry Rice, Doug Flutie and CroMagnon Man provide color commentary. Australia picks the kangaroo. Brazil takes the sloth. And ,despite the polar bear's hopes ("beaches, beaches, beaches"), Mexico chooses the Avocado!
Yay, Mexico!
And I did love the Sketcher's
commercial with Pete Rose “in the hall”.
Now that was funny!
But this year’s batch of Super Bowl Commercials were kind of downers.
There was Coca-Cola’s
anti-bullying message.
There was Dove’s
ad reminding us that real men care.
There was Toyota’s
commercial with the dad driving his daughter to the airport – with flashbacks
of a lifetime of happy memories – just so she can join the Army!
There was Nissan’s
ad about a boy growing up watching his race-car driving dad on TV, cheering
as his dad survives a high-speed crash – all set to the tune of Harry Chapin’s “Cat’s in
the Cradle”.
Captain’s Note: In
addition to the “absent father” message of the song, it can’t be overlooked that
Harry Chapin died in an automobile crash.
And there was Always
feminine products’ message about girl power.
By this point, the Captain was beginning to feel like a
cold-hearted bastard.
But it gets worse!
There was Microsoft’s
commercial about Braylon McNeill, a little boy who got his first prosthetic
legs at 11-months-old thanks to the computer giant's technological advances..
And Nationwide
Insurance’s ad about the little boy who couldn’t grow up… because he was
dead!
I sh*t you not!
And what could beat that feel-good message? The NFL's own ad about domestic violence – using a real 9-1-1
call from a woman pretending to order a pizza while notifying authorities that
her husband was beating her!
And now back to the game!
Frankly, even the Budweiser
(A-B) commercial with the puppy was a downer. Are we supposed to hate the wolf
for doing what wolves do? Whatever happened to “the circle of life”?
And A-B’s second ad was a pathetic attempt to regain
customers who have left Bud’s piss-in-a-bottle and turned to flavorful
micro-brews, which have recently overtaken A-B’s dominance in the world of beer. A-B’s claim
that “real beer drinkers” want a “macro-brew” fell flat.
The bottom line for this cold-hearted Captain is simple: The
Super Bowl is about entertainment: the game, the half-time show, the
commercials.
If I want heart-warming stories and public service
announcements, I’ll go to church!
And if there’s anyone who needs to go to church, it’s the
Captain!
